Grab a few old Android devices--maybe N1s--turn off their cellular and wifi radios, load them up with music, and use 3.5 mm audio cable converted to whatever your aux input is on your existing system. Some 3.5mm audio cable can be purchased with/cobbled together to include built-in play, pause, and track skip buttons... Also, there's the rooting factor for most Android devices as well as the fact that most non-Apple smartphones use some variant of microUSB for charging and syncing.

... I misread acetaminophen for amphetamine and pondered what an island of pissed-off, speed-addled brown tree snakes would look like.

No obligatory Douglas Adams quote?

Great. We hook up to the Galactic Extranet and what do we get? We become a node in some ET's botnet and get bombarded with ads for "space Viagra."

Element Zero.

There's a Somali warlord who plays EVE online who's kicking himself right now...

but they should install piezoelectric sidewalks and crosswalks.

of the Antares System.

...but so do dogs that are trained to do the same thing. But unlike a dog, a robot won't chew your shoes, defecate in the yard, or lack opposable digits to pop the top on a beer bottle. Still, that entire issue of looking for a charging port in the middle of the night kind of bothers me.