Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of data transfer in this country. The USB 1.1 was the cable to own. Then the other guy came out with Firewire. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the USB 2.0. That's 480Mbps and a compatible connector. For backwards compatibility. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to optical connections. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling 480Mbps and back compat. Compatibility or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to USB3.

Sure, we could go to optical connections next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, electrons worked out pretty well, and photons are the next particles after electrons. So let's play it safe. Let's make an optical cable and call it the USBOpticon. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the data speed game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. USB is the best a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If 12Mbps is good, and 480Mbps is better, obviously 4.8Gbps would make us the best fucking cable that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the cable game by clinging to the parallel industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, USB3 is the biggest chance of all.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent—I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick four more gigabits in there. I don't care how. Make the wires so thin they're invisible. Put some on the outside. I don't care if they have to cram the extra electrons in perpendicular to the other ones, just do it!

You're taking the "Universal" part of "universal Serial Bus" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make computer history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that 4.8Gbps can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when USB3 becomes the computer cable for the U.S. of "this is how we connect now" A.

People said we couldn't go to 480Mbps. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "4.8Gbps crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Sony, working on fucking discs. Rotary storage, my white ass!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Intel's wake and make chipsets. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Intel is the day I leave the computing game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!

The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, connecting with anything less than 4.8Gbps is like carrying your data in a rusty bucket." Or "Your connection will be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your transfer rate graph." Try "Your computer's gonna be so friggin' fast, you'll get a speeding ticket."

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which USB is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, 4.8Gbps, sweet Jesus in heaven.

Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Make that fucker backwards compatible, too. That's right. 4.8Gbps, fully backwards compatible cables, and make the connectors out of gold. You heard me—gold connectors. It's a whole new way to think about downloading. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge—the razor's edge—and I feel like dancing.

Super SATA Shenanigans: Send Supposed Superior Sound

Driving to an interview could be a bad idea. What if you can't find a parking space because everyone else in the city drives too, so you spend all day circling the block looking for a spot and miss your interview? How about traffic jams?

A weekend trip on the train then a nice walk in the country to a picnic sounds like a lovely time.

As for myself, I would not gain enough from owning a car to offset the costs, like gas, insurance, repair, etc.

It's very unlikely that life is arising from inert chemicals as we speak, because that would lead to all sorts of different kinds of life we don't see. Kinds such as opposite-handed amino users and life that doesn't use ribonucleic acids. All life on earth uses the same type of amino acids and transfers information by DNA/RNA.

I suppose there's room to mention the theory that life arises all the time but it gets gobbled up by the existing fauna, but we haven't seen it happen, and not for lack of looking.

Wow, they really let you enter 7 asterisks as a password?

Rosebud Snow Peas! Full of green pea-ness.

Sounds like you could find the tomb of Genghis Khan by following the bloody trail cut by the funeral procession and looking near the pile of slave bones.

Steve Jobs has plenty of testees, did you see his "Don't hold it that way" response? Testes of steel.

What is wrong with the people who keep saying this? Why would anyone hate someone else for being 'free'? What does that even mean? I thought people only ever said that to be ironic these days.

The Afghans hate you because you have systematically interfered with their lives for the past 50 years at least.

Samples are terrible. It's like saying "Just use rectangles" to display objects in the game.

In old video games where the graphics and physics were also the equivalent of samples, it was okay to have sampled sound, but so much work has been poured into graphics and physics these days and everyone has ignored sound. I'm sure a lot of the work that went into making more realistic physics can be used in making better sounds, since material properties, velocities and angle of impact are important to both sound and physics.

It's a terrible immersion-breaker when you hear the same sample every time you hit something in game, regardless of whether it should have sounded like that.

You know what it reminds me of? Tasty Wheat. Did you ever eat Tasty Wheat, Neo?

FYI, almost everyone in Canada uses interac. I haven't even seen a cheque in a retail situation in ten years.

Pah! Those "Belgium" cows are as much a hoax as Belgium itself.

Let me ask you: why name a real cow after a nonexistent country?