The government seems to be on something (I'm not quite sure what) [...].

Given the government's aggression, violence, willingness to fight and kill over everything, I'd say they're actually off their nicotine and need to start smoking again as soon as they can.

In all seriousness, the dispensaries could join together an form their own credit union.

Yes, and then the feds would say "Look at all these dirty drug companies colluding together to launder money!"