"In an attempted anthill coup that would not have been out of place in a tragic Discovery Channel special, the red ants in my backyard, owners of one of the largest anthills underground in my backyard, were doused with gasoline this weekend after it was discovered that a faction of the worker ants were plotting a coup. The plans included an unprecedented and sneaky incursion into my kitchen trash containing an old big Mac, cereal, and tasty junk. In an unexpected move I placed some honey-soaked borax in their trail and the poison infiltrated into the highest levels of their underground empire. Then dousing thier anthill with gasoline I ended their reign of almost two years, and thus they were foiled before my wife got home."
Honestly, I think my story is more interesting.