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Journal RM6f9's Journal: If X were Y 6

Inspired by TomHudson's latest Baptist rant, which reminded me of several sayings, such as:
"If brains were gunpowder, he couldn't blow his nose."
"If brains were gasoline, she couldn't power a pissant's scooter 'round the inside of a cheerio."
"If shit were sand, his head would be the Sahara."
"If bullshit were electricity, he could light the eastern seaboard."
By ALL means, feel free to weigh in with your favorites...

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If X were Y

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  • Little Johnny, loathsome tyke,
    Put crazy glue on sisters' bike
    She peddled all through Spain and France
    Welded to her spandex pants.
    Burma Shave!

    Re the Baptists raffling off a rifle to attract kids - if the perceived utility of your basic product (in this case fundamentalist baptist christianity) is so poor that you have to "rook" kids into going, there's a fundamental (pardon the pun) problem.

    Maybe we should do the same (btw, I could actually picture ESR doing something like this :-). ... "We're ra

    • by webhat ( 558203 )
      I'd run linux if I got a shiny new shotgun! Where can I sign up?

      And where can I sign up for the multi-level multiple long distance time share Jesus?
      • Why, tell'em flat out, they can write or download a ballistics spreadsheet for benchrest competitions. I'll get around to writing one sooner or later if the demand from my own club gets high. Right now they're all paying for commercial products. Most of 'em windows (pocket PC).

        Strong suggestion if someone wants to write a ballistics tabulation program.

    • by RM6f9 ( 825298 )

      Haven't most "Christian" organizations claimed their pyramid? 12 disciples, each preached to x followers - that's all it's ever been: I think it was Ghandi who said "If more christians were like Christ, no one would have ever heard of me."

      Onward to poetry:

      Little Willie saw some dynamite,
      didn't understand it quite;
      Curiosity never pays,
      it rained Willie seven days.

      Little Willie had a thirst,
      Little Willie is no more:
      What he thought was H2O,
      was H2SO4!

      • I think it was Ghandi who said "If more christians were like Christ, no one would have ever heard of me."

        You know why they don't celebrate Hallowe'en in India? No more Ghandi.

        Little Johnny got his yocks,
        Put Exlax in a Chocolate box.
        Mother will smack him for his punning,
        Just as soon as she stops running.

  • Something I said?

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life. -- Schulz