R.A.Small's Journal: (Nexistentiallist Ego) Wars and Pieces

"The tragedy of human existence lies in the unconscious replication of our patterns. Humor sets in when we begin to understand the absurd mechanicalness of our personality and life. When we recognize even a little of the ego's robotic nature, we rise above it. Humor is always a rising-above, a stepping beyond, a not-being-captive of our momentary condition. Spiritual practice could thus be defined as the discipline of real humor: We intuit our essential freedom and simultaneously witness the comedy of our failure to incarnate that freedom, our repeated indentification with the conditions of existence."

Some few weeks ago, the question of my (non)existence was brought into focus, by a certain colleague of mine. My initial reaction to this was stupefaction, followed by resentment, and finally gratitude. Yes, gratitude. Because Jesse has provoked me to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-anhilation. A spiritual journey whose end goal is the destruction(even if only temporary) of mine own ego.

"The ego is an ongoing activity that arises mysteriously in the totality of Being and apparently delimits that totality, evoking the experience of a finite body-mind"

Some suspect that this journal is merely a feint on my part to flesh out a fiction of dubious merit, and I shall not seek to dissuade them of this. Let me simply state that I've not the time nor the inclination to engage in a social construction project.

I seek to escape the normal experience of the delimited mechanical body-mind.

I am larger than I appear to be. I am not what Google says I am. I am not what Jesse Ross thinks I am. I am not what I think I am. I am(we are), and I am(we are) a part of, a greater mystery.

While this is primarily an affair of the mind, this is primarily an affair of the heart. It is intened to be the ground from which I might sprout new ideas and insights not only into my research, but also into the nature of my self. From here I may be able to escape the robotic confines of my daily activities and chance upon that which might aid me to see afresh that which I have forgotten. And, if fortune holds, that which occurs here will be of benefit to my work there.

For the reader who approaches with an open mind, there will hopefully be some meat(or broccoli, if you prefer) upon which they might chew.

"We may be shipwrecked, but we are also hale. If we put our attention on the emptiness and tragedy of our lives, we remain caught in meaninglessness and apathy. If instead, we envision our ultimate potential, that is, remember our identity beyond the ego, we begin to break the spell by which we continuously shipwreck ourselves. Even though existentialism in the spirit of Satre or Camus is not one of today's philosophical crazes, its central message of despair is the substance of billions of human lives."

Attributions

[R.A.Small]

Quotes in the post are taken from "Holy Madness [yrec.org]--the shock tactics and radical teachings of crazy-wise adepts, holy fools and rascal gurus" by Georg Feuerstein, Penguin/Arkana 1990.

Some online material from the book may be found here [wie.org].