The Craven (Score 5)

(with Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Once upon a millenium dreary, while I pk'd, weak and weary,
Over many a faint and furious game of DiabloII,
While I killed 'em, illiciting yapping, suddenly there came a hacking,
As of some one gently a-hacking, hacking at my character's door.
"'Tis some rapist," I muttered, "hacking at my character's door-
Blizzard: "Only a ladder quirk, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying hardcore wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I chugged a bull;- vainly I had sought to mule
From my PC internet of lust- all my items turned to dust-
For the rare and radiant things with my Amazon bonded-
All were quickly by evil absconded!

And the anguished cries of all those that died & lost sweet things
Saddened me- maddened me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some hacker entreating entrance at my character's door-
Some late hacker entreating entrance at my character's door;-
Blizzard: "Only a ladder quirk, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; fervently I sought of Schlonglor,
"Boy," said I, "or Madam, truly your assistance I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently it came a-hacking,
And so faintly it came a-hacking, hacking at my character's door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here you (Blizzard) opened wide the door;-
Schlonglor replied, "Deal with it!".

Deep into that toilet peeing, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no heroes ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and from Blizzard came no token,
And no word there spoken, all my characters lay dead & broken
Blizzard: "Only a ladder quirk, and nothing more."

Back into Bnet a-turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a hacking somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my windows 98 Reg?:

Let me see, then, what the threat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
Blizzard: "Only a ladder quirk, and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Craven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my character's door-
Perched upon a bust of Diablo just above my character's door-
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony turd beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though my character be shorn and shaven",
Thou I said, "art surely a Craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient craven wandering from the Nightly shore-
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Millenium shore!"

Quoth the Craven, "You've been jacked, w h o r e."