Other Rumored Changes (Score 3, Funny)

Unfortunately, Lucas won't stop at the Special Edition. After the release of Episode III ("Ani, Get Your Gungan") he plans to go back and further modify the original trilogy. Here are a few other of the rumored changes straight from the brain of one weird Fish. Special Special Edition (2008). * Jar Jar is digitally inserted into every scene in Ep4, Ep5, and Ep6. * Stormtroopers carry walkie-talkies instead of blasters. (Hey, they never hit anything important anyway.) * Luke's haircut is made presentable, but now he looks like "Hanson." * Ian McDiarmid replaces Clive Revill in the Emperor-hologram scene in Ep5, except now is a CGI construct less believeable than bikini pinups of Lara Croft. * Han Solo's Special Edition line, "It's all right, I can see a lot better now" is replaced with "It's all right, I never had hibernation sickness, I was only fooling." * Aunt Beru's looped lines are redubbed by Fran Drescher. * The sweeping John Williams asteroid theme is replaced by the music from the 1979 arcade game "Asteroids." Ultra Special Special Edition (2012) * Chewbacca is digitally removed from every shot and replaced with Jar Jar Binks. Han Solo's line "It's not wise to upset a Wookiee" is replaced with "It's not wise to upset a Gungan." * Footage is added of Imperial Academy forces being trained in weapons use by Don Knotts. * Digital lip-sync technology is used to change Luke's line "Nooo-ooo-ooo-oooooo!" into "Yippee!" * To make it more obvious that Senator/Chancellor Palpatine is really the Emperor in disguise, a set of Groucho glasses is added to every shot of the Emperor. To every shot of Palpatine is added a halo. * The Wampa Ice Creature is now a cameo role played by Shaquille O'Neal, complete with musical number and dancing girls in skimpy fur bikinis. The scene goes on tour as the "Wampa Ice Capades." * The entire John Williams score is scrapped and replaced with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." Some fanboys claim it fits with spooky synchronicity in certain scenes, usually after the imbibement of several non-prescription herbal remedies. Incredibly Special Ultra Re-release Special Special Edition (2025) * Jar Jar Binks is made a Jedi Knight. * Jar Jar Binks destroys the Death Star. * Jar Jar Binks is shown to be a cunning and foresighted adversary who allowed himself to be manipulated by Palpatine into proposing legislation to create the Imperial Army. Says Jar Jar in Episode 2, "Revenge of Jar Jar," "Nowsa meesa has a eeeevil Emperor where meesa want!" * Luke Skywalker is digitally erased from the picture and replaced with a member of the 2025 Swedish Bikini Team. * C-3PO is re-dubbed by Dennis Franz, who plays the Brooklyn-born Lt. Sipowicz from "NYPD Blue." * R2-D2 is given the BFG from Doom XII and goes on a rampage in Cloud City to rescue C-3PO's disconnected parts. * Han Solo no longer accidentally activates Boba Fett's jetpack to send him careening into the Sarlacc Pit. Instead, Han indicates that Boba Fett's shoe is untied, whereupon the bounty hunter looks down, trips over his own foot, shoots himself in the neck, gets tangled up in his own grappling hook cord, and says "D'oh!" a la Homer Simpson. Fett then windmills his arms wildly on the edge of the skiff, falls into a batch of wet cement, and explodes with near-nuclear force. Han Solo then quips, "The fool! He doesn't even have shoelaces." * Governor Tarkin, Han Solo, and Jabba the Hutt replaced with an aging Mike Myers doing Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, and Fat Bastard, respectively. The Ewoks are replaced with Mini-Mes.