Took 2 blood tests, the results are interesting. There seems to be a big range of whats normal these days. ::CBC w/ differential platelet panel::
white blood cell count: 7, 4-10.5
red blood cell: 5.24, 4.10-5.60
hemoglobin: 16.1, 12.5-17
hematocrit: 46.5, 36-50
mcv: 89, 80-98
mch: 30.7, 27-34
mchc: 34.6, 32-36
rdw: 13.1, 11.7-15
platelets: 255, 140-415
neutrophils: 68, 40-74
lymphs: 23, 14-46
monocytes: 5, 4-13
eos: 4, 0-7
basos: 0, 0-3
neutrophils (absolute) : 4.8, 1.8-7.8
lymphs (absolute): 1.6, 0.7-4.5
monocytes (absolute): 0.4, 0.1-1.0
eos (absolute): 0.3, 0.0-0.4
baso (absolute): 0, 0-0.2 ::Comp. Metabolic Panel::

glucose, serum: 83, 65-99
bun: 12, 5-26
creatinine, serum: 12, 8-27
sodium, serum: 140, 135-148
potassium, serum: 4.7, 3.5-5.5
chloride, serum: 102, 96-109
carbon dioxide total: 22, 20-32
calcium, serum: 10.4, 8.5-10.6
protein, total, secum: 7.4, 6-8.5
albumin, serum: 7.4, 6-8.5
globulin, total: 2.6, 1.5-4.5
a/g ratio: 1.8, 1.1-2.5
bilirubin, total: 1.1, 0.1-1.2
alkaline phosphotase serum: 67, 25-150
AST (sgot) 15, 0-40
ALT (sgpt) 14, 0-40
TSH: 1.045, 0.350-5.500 ::Lipid panel w/ ldl/hdl ratio::

Cholesterol, total: 176, 100-199
triglycerides: 68, 0-149
HDL cholesterol: 65 H (Abnormal), 40-59
VLDL Cholesterol: 14, 5-40
LDL Cholesterol Cal: 97, 0-99
LDL/HDL ratio: 1.5, 0.0-3.6

Thats it, one out of everything isnt that bad. I can lower my cholesterol by eating more healthy, but im dirt poor and cant afford really good food.

(Wrote this to my dad, figured it was ok enough for here)

Just woke up, for the second time in the second night i feel a little wierded out. Looked out the window and guess what? No cars in the bar parking lot..Not even one, last night there was one, but that happens from people taking cabs or going home with someone else.
Alizee's music is in french, she was born in corsica spain and shes 20 years old. Think of her as the britney spears of europe but with the looks and everything of someone like hillary duff. Her music is catchy, and she actually does write some of it. If your girlfriend likes all that other stuff she'd like her. Chances are she's never even heard of her, but she is cool. I would suggest downloading her cds, give them a listen, then yeah. Moi lolita was her best single, Lalize sounds really good, A contre-courant sounds really good even for pop, Toc de mac is good too (listening to it now actually) i guess its just something she'd have to hear though. Its good music for feeling happier, its always good to have some of that on hand, doesnt matter if you can understand it or not.
Anyway, on another subject, i havent heard anything about the sims expansion pack, just been too busy with other stuff.
We got the title today, thanks for that. Not sure how you managed to get that from her, i knew id never be able to get it from her. Best part is getting those jersey plates off.
Oh im staying out of trouble so far. Went to class yesterday and paid the water bill. Got a call back (actually it was a text message) about a job i was interviewed for, its a state-funded job cleaning houses that are contracted by them. You know of those houses on talk shows that are really terrible looking but cant be cleaned by the owners, its not that bad but thats an idea of how it is. Good to just wear protective gear and get right on in.
Not sure if i told you but i changed my major, after a long and hard thinking, im going for a bachelors in philosophy. I had that decided for a while now, this seems to be the first degree i decided on that i havent totally regretted yet. Im thinking of centering it more about ethics for now, but that might change. Do you know anything about getting a philosophy degree, besides the prerequisite of watching the meaning of life 46 times? (ive already done that over the last 15 years or so).

Just an update on my situation: Spent 3 days in the hospital due to paranoid delusions, i was released a few days ago and im still recovering on my own. Last night i had a bit of a relapse, but i calmed myself down and was well after some reasoning. That was an interesting place and i did learn a lot from it. Wrote in a journal, came out to 15 pages total, but i wont be posting it here. Met some cool people and only 1 person who turned out to be a complete scumbag, (some stripper..what do you expect from them though) The coolest person i met was 37 years old, we played a lot of games together and hanged out and talked a lot. So right now im just trying to get on with my life. I wrote up a list of things i need done, they require money which unfortunetely, i dont have. Class is tonight, hopefully my doctors note will give me extra time on some things.

http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=4664

This is an awful thing to have happen and I hope and pray that the creators have had nothing to do with this. It is quite possible that the judge has had past quarrels with other people, due to the nature of her job and the accusations.
Im very appalled that this has happened, I do not wish anyone to die as I am against violence in every way. I just really hope that this wasnt related to the creators in any way. Im sure this story will be continued, and i do hope for the best for all parties. I still believe Mr. Hale has had no part in any of the case involvement of this judge, and my hopes will never die. I truly hope that Mr. Hale will receive the fairest treatment and everything will be handled in a legal and professional manner.

Ok heres the simplest and most probable explanation for last night:
The reason i stopped smoking dope when i was 17 was because of paranoia mostly. I started again because it helped VERY drastically with my anxiety and appetite. (Ive gained many pounds attibuted to smoking dope, but lost them when i dont smoke..If i smoked all the time on a normal basis under normal circumstances i would probably be fat)
Well, recently theres been a car or two cars across the way that every time i look out the window theres people in it. I had just been stoned earlier but was doing it again, and i looked out. It started bending me out but i kinda, put it off a bit. After doing 5 or 6 more incredibly powerful hits from a water pipe, the paranoia from the past Finally caught up with me and all was completely screwed in my head. Up until now ive always felt safe and smoked inside or at a friends house, etc, and never had much paranoia reason. I thought i was finally old enough to enjoy the benefits from occasional use.
Anyway, back on topic, I completely freaked out, i gathered up all my dope stuff and put it into a bag and gave it to a guy friend of mine, he thought i was effed up or something..Then i walked down to the corner store and called the police (which makes no sense now, if they were after me im just admitting myself to guilt basically..this isnt logical)
So the cops came, asked me where i lived and all that.
I lied and told them a fake address, fake phone number, fake friend i was seeing at the bar where i lived near but i walked to on foot, and that people were after me, but i wasnt sure who. (5 minutes ago i thought cops were after me), now i thought it was some skinhead extremist group because i saw clean cut college kids in the bar (it was ladies night, go figure). Then i started thinking different people were after me, and the police were waiting to arrest me but waiting to see what i told them first. They called my grandparents, who came and we all agreed i should go to the hospital to be looked at, at least.
The hospital wait was a NIGHTMARE. I kept going back and forth, wondering if mexican gangs or aryan nations or the national alliance was here to kill me, i saw some old man puke his brains out next to me and i just stood there and watched like it didnt matter man.
After waiting in ER for a while, a nurse saw me and asked me a few things, then just to wait out in the waiting room. Well an hour later (felt like 5 hours, i was so blown and paranoid) I came down all at once and felt relieved and tired and kinda hungry, actually, lol.
So, with grampa tired, barbara didnt have her pills, and me tired and seeing no other reason to be there, we all left and went home to bed. Told the doctor this story, it sounds likely, pot is famous for making people paranoid, since ive had these repressions for 5 years now, it all came back at once since there was now a reason for me (two actually, that was high-grade 160.00 an ounce grass..6 bongloads will do that to even the toughest pot head)
Basically i was having delusions, hallucinations and i was hearing things, all thanks to paranoia coming back. Its kinda lame and seems childish, but it happened.

End of story, time to move on with the following lessons learn: Repressions can come back in rather harsh ways, Dont smoke what you cant handle, and remember that paranoia goes with smoking grass.

Last night was really good! Was hanging out in the bar with pam as usual, and there was a girl who came in. Pam said i should go talk to her, and eventually I did.
I dont drink much, so that was good. We sat and talked for probably about 3 hours or so, i listened to everything she said and i never really got nervous or anything. She let me give her a ride home and we ended up getting lost, which was ok, i didnt mind driving around too much.
All in all, it was a pretty good night. Hopefully she'll call/email me, maybe we can do something, i dont know, go see a movie. Havent seen many movies lately unless i just download them, so that would work great.
That was the first time ive been on an arrangement in a long time, id say about a year+. I dated a girl a few months back, but it never worked out..all but forgot about her till just now.
So, my medicine im taking is definetely helping. I was very confident and respectable, and it showed. Im just hoping I hear from her again, preferably in the very near future. She was an older person too, 27, which is great, Id rather date someone slightly older then slightly lower..

And if she doesnt call me or anything, at least i know im a good catch. I never really thought i was since ive been in the dark so long..

I have a writing class tonight and im really tired today. Woke up last night in a cold sweat, not sure why.

So anywho, ive been seeing a girl who lives in minnesota for a while now. Shes coming in a week to visit, which is really great, and im very optimistic about it. Ive noticed that im not very antsy and upset about anything with her, which is definetely new. Maybe I really am ready to move on and start over, being that its been a year since anythings happened. So yeah, im extremely happy about us and i do hope things work out in the long run. She's very open with me and comfortable, and im settled in the fact that i might end up seeing her for a long time. Sounds like too good to be true, but stranger things have definetely happened.

Thats all thats going on lately, definetely good news. All i need now is a job, then ill have everything ive wanted all along. College is going well, im changing my major to philosophy (specifically ethics) due to a lot of thinking and deciding the best way to seek out lifes purpose is by questioning the answers.

So, part of my writing class is to write in a journal. Im assuming I can use this to do so, so ill be writing a little more then once a month for a while.
Anywho, last night was kinda wierd. Pam was hanging out in the bar last night with her brother, drinking, then he left. She came with her dog and ended up letting her friend take care of her for a few days, then 10 minutes later asked where the dog went..So she was pretty drunk, its all good though.
2am rolls around and she decides to go find her dog. I couldve done a few things at that point: 1. Stole her keys are refused to let her go anywhere, taking all the benefits of "no good deed goes unpunished" and reaping the harvest of it. 2: Drove her, that would be the sensible thing to do. 3. Let her go.
I ended up letting her go for a few reasons: Shes 37 years old, perfectly capable of judging when shes had too much to drink. She only had about 6 or 7 drinks all night, that was from 7pm until 2am. If you do the math she shouldve been sober yet tired.
I guess the moral of this story is to use your best judgement, taking things and making factors out of them. Youre damned if you do and youre damned if you dont, lol.

I think after all this time ive finally found out the type of anxiety disorder i have:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder
---------------------------

"I always thought I was just a worrier. I'd feel keyed up and unable to relax. At times it would come and go, and at times it would be constant. It could go on for days. I'd worry about what I was going to fix for a dinner party, or what would be a great present for somebody. I just couldn't let something go.

"I'd have terrible sleeping problems. There were times I'd wake up wired in the middle of the night. I had trouble concentrating, even reading the newspaper or a novel. Sometimes I'd feel a little lightheaded. My heart would race or pound. And that would make me worry more. I was always imagining things were worse than they really were: when I got a stomachache, I'd think it was an ulcer.

"When my problems were at their worst, I'd miss work and feel just terrible about it. Then I worried that I'd lose my job. My life was miserable until I got treatment."

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is much more than the normal anxiety people experience day to day. It's chronic and fills one's day with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it. Having this disorder means always anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, though, the source of the worry is hard to pinpoint. Simply the thought of getting through the day provokes anxiety.

People with GAD can't seem to shake their concerns, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. Their worries are accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. People with GAD may feel lightheaded or out of breath. They also may feel nauseated or have to go to the bathroom frequently.

Individuals with GAD seem unable to relax, and they may startle more easily than other people. They tend to have difficulty concentrating, too. Often, they have trouble falling or staying asleep.

Unlike people with several other anxiety disorders, people with GAD don't characteristically avoid certain situations as a result of their disorder. When impairment associated with GAD is mild, people with the disorder may be able to function in social settings or on the job. If severe, however, GAD can be very debilitating, making it difficult to carry out even the most ordinary daily activities.

GAD affects about 4 million adult Americans1 and about twice as many women as men.2 The disorder comes on gradually and can begin across the life cycle, though the risk is highest between childhood and middle age.2 It is diagnosed when someone spends at least 6 months worrying excessively about a number of everyday problems. There is evidence that genes play a modest role in GAD.13

GAD is commonly treated with medications. GAD rarely occurs alone, however; it is usually accompanied by another anxiety disorder, depression, or substance abuse.2,4 These other conditions must be treated along with GAD.

(Its pretty bad for me, basically whats described is it keeps you from functioning a normal life by giving you anxiety that doesnt seem to have a specific explanation, yet is extremely troublesome..Im not going to see a doctor for another month or so, which is the worst part of all. But its good to know what I have)

Topsite is a term used by the warez community, now more commonly referred to simply as 'sites'. They are FTP servers used by groups of illegal software and media piracy groups and couriers for distribution and storage. The fastest of these sites have multi-gigabit Internet connections, capable of sending a full DVD image in minutes, and their largest storage networks can contain tens of terabytes of data. Topsites comprise the main distribution chain for the private warez community. Topsites employ elaborate protection schemes to hide their identity and the data that they transfer from those who have no authorization to access the server. One common method is the use of bouncers, which hide the true IP address of the computer. Another is the implementation of SSL, which is used, at the minimum, to encrypt the logon information sent by authorized users of the system. While these are technologically advanced protection schemes, law enforcement operations such as Operation Buccaneer have been able to gain access and hence shut down these sites by infiltrating the pirate groups that operate on the sites.

Old Dirty Bastard collapsed in a recording studio and died (Probably too much crack)..hehe.. Boy, we're seeing quite a lot of deaths, its all good though ;)

One of the most original and dynamic voices in rap has suddenly gone quiet. (Uh huh..)

Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard, real name Russell Jones, collapsed and died suddenly in a Manhattan recording studio yesterday (13th November), aged just 35.

A founding member of seminal rap group Wu-Tang Clan and hugely respected solo artist, ODB had worked with artists including Mariah Carey on "Fantasy" and Kelis more recently on the hit single "Got Your Money". (Lets not forget all the wonderful anti-women, drug-glamorizing and misogynistic serenades he's given us through his god-blessed talents)

Gabe Tesoriero, a spokesperson for Roc-A-Fella records, said the star had complained of chest pains but was dead before paramedics could arrive.

ODB, who had recently completed a spell in prison for drug possession, was working on his latest solo release - which was close to completion. (Probably for drugs, rape, murder, etc..)

His mother, Cherry Jones, said: "To the public he was known as Old Dirty Bastard, but to me he was known as Rusty. The kindest most generous soul on earth." (Who served half his life in the pokey and the other half getting high and doing lewd violent rap duets over the years)

Ol' Dirty Bastard, Russell Jones, 1968-2004 R.I.P (I think satan's got himself a new slave)

Birthday was november 10th, another depressing day for me. Yassir Arafat died the same day, so that kinda helped.

Scott Peterson was found guilty after 2 years of court debate. Its funny how OJ, Kobe and Rodney King get off scott-free, yet he's convicted merely to satify a hungry public.

But anywho, Scott got what he deserved. How fuckin smart was it of him to try to go to mexico after dying your hair? lol..He convicted himself

http://p2pnet.net/story/2862

and the previous story that led me to email her: http://p2pnet.net/story/2853

Basically its about a woman who owns a store and a site for it, the department of homeland security gatecrashed this poor woman selling childrens' toys and demanded she surrender her rubiks' cube knockoffs. The DOHS is for counter-terrorism, not childrens' toys infringement. Guess they had nothing better to do.
Well as it turns out, there is no patent on the rubiks' cube anymore, it expired years ago. lol, goes to show how smart the government really is.

Got fired today, for "Not coming into work" but its funny. Ive been working 2 or 3 days a week since being hired, just now after the accident and the fact that i was afraid to work with the mexicans and their farm equipment they finally decided to let me go. Oh well, if my help wasnt appreciated ill find something else to do. Finding white people to work there who wouldnt quit was rare for the company. *shrug*

You know whats funny, the RIAA is using tax dollars to fight this war.
The music industry is Entertainment.
Entertainment has nothing to do with the economy, as it is secondary to everything else such as food, electricity and clothes.
One piece of their arguement is that file sharing is ruining the economy by theft of intellectual property.
They're using Tax Dollars from the Real economy, thus making it worse.
But they twist this around saying deserving artists need the 14 million dollars that they've earned, which is a fucked up form of capitalism according to them if you ask me.

The conclusion: The RIAA is hurting the economy worse then file sharing is, as it is using yours and my tax dollars to fund their "Fight against global terrorism". There is no proof between the links of piracy and terrorism or crime-affilation.

John Ass-croft thinks he's making a difference. Now excuse me while i go download the new halo 2 game, and the latest coupla' movies in theaters for something to do tonight :)