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Comment End of Life? (Score 1, Funny) 330

At the rate of how things are going, my last breath will probably be a pathetic gurgling death-rattle and the words "I got the memo". Shortly after my body slumps across my keyboard and ergonomically correct mouse pad, the rest of the office staff will be celebrating a birthday/anniversary/baby shower two cubicles over with cake and punch.

Comment Re:Nothing to see here (Score 1) 137

Considering that the past several years there's been some kind of effort to wrap/inject damn near everything with bacon, you can at least try to understand the panic that would ensue over a pork shortage. How on earth can you expect any decent, hard-working American to enjoy their sauce-dripping, triple-decker cheese burger WITHOUT bacon? What do you think Americans are ... savages?

Comment Re:A boat? (Score 1) 186

An actual submarine didn't truly exist until the USS NAUTILUS with the advent of nuclear propulsion, allowing it to stay submerged for extended periods of time. Basically the only limiting factor was onboard supplies for the crew (and of course the mental strain of being underwater in confined spaces for weeks on end). Before that, the correct term was submersible because the the boat could only stay down for as long as the batteries and/or oxygen lasted and needed to surface so the diesel engines could be used for propulsion, recharging the batteries and exchanging the air supply. The German's had some designs during the later part of WWII that had huge batteries and sleek hull designs that could power the boat for long stretches of time (and even some other experimental power sources) but eventually they would need to use snorkels to draw in air so the diesels could be run while being close to the surface. These German U-Boat designs were the basis for the Cold War U.S. Navy's GUPPY program and provided a big leap forward in sub design. The first submersibles developed were small and called boats because they were, at times, carried on the decks of ships. So technically, the first submersibles were actually boats because of their small displacement and the fact that they weren't true underwater crafts. Over time, the designs changed and the displacement increased considerably to the point where, technically, they shouldn't really be classified as boats, but seeing that navies are fanatically traditional, the term stuck and is still used today.

Comment Re:Absolutely not ... (Score 1) 122

Out back behind the building next to the second dumpster. Tell the guy there that you're looking for Freddy Fingers. He'll get you sorted out. And don't forget to sign up for our Rewards Program! It's convenient. Simply swipe your ankle monitoring bracelet and you'll instantly receive 2% savings on all purchases.

Comment Re:Absolutely not ... (Score 5, Funny) 122

"Hi. Would you like to open an account today with your purchase? You can save 10%! All we ask is a photo ID and email address that we can reach you at. Oh, and we'll also need a scan of your fingerprints, DNA swab and allow us to implant this teeny tiny device at the base of your skill just beneath your skin. What? Oh don't worry, it only transmits audio commercials to your ear every three minutes. I wouldn't recommend standing near a microwave because you'll piss your pants and forget who you are for about an hour or so."

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