Re:Firmware defective (Score 1)

My son is a high functioning Autism spectrum disorder child. He is 7 and has his feelings hurt quite genuinely and easily. That is the hard part about being a parent of a child with this issue. His mom and I long ago decided it is not a disability, and not to treat it as such. You are very correct that he has an extremely ordered mindset, very logical and very strongly identified concept of right and wrong. The kicker is that his labels of right and wrong are very accurate, not just with the niavite of a 7 year old. The hardest part is helping him understand that the world is distinctively unfair. That right and wrong, while ideal logical statements often have substantial color to them that makes right wrong and wrong right enough to really make it difficult to just say "That's not right". One of his current passions (they seem to run in very deep streaks) is martial arts. The high focus / high structure seems to really work well for him.

I think he has a future that will be bright, as long as I can help steer his course in life towards something that resonates with him.

Since it sounds like you have experience in this environment, have you any sage advice for a parent that wants to do the right thing for his child?

-nB

I'm a "high-functioning autistic". I was diagnosed when I was 41 years old. Had a really crazy first 30 years or so. I was (literally) raised in an abandoned building
and was beaten by both parents. I was beaten by my classmates from the age of 8 to the age of 16, about 3 times per week. I was sexually molested in front
of teachers on school grounds, and was suspended for "causing trouble". I was forced to enlist in the Navy when I was 20, under threat of death, with a
gun in my face. I was set on fire, had urine saved up and thrown in my face while sleeping, etc.

Now I'm not saying "oh poor me". I'm just saying, I truly understand what it's like to be autistic in America.
But you know what?

I can also say the following:
* Became certified as a technician class amateur radio operator at 14.
* Became a 2nd Class Commercial (Tv/Radio broadcasting engineer) at 16.
* Managed 80 men (they didn't like me- but that was their problem) and 2 nuclear reactors at 24.
* Started a dot.com DURING the dot.com crash, that has earned me over 2 million profit.
* Have worked in IT for 20 years in networking and systems, and am now a Principal Systems Engineer
* Married/Been with my wife for 15 years now.
* Raised my step-daughter for the same period of time.

And I didn't even KNOW I was autistic until I was 41, which was 9 years ago.

I've known a number of auties, other than myself as well, that are pretty happy and successful. It can certainly be done,
if the disability aspects aren't completely overwhelming.

But yes, a little help can go a long ways. There are work-arounds for most things that autistic people must face, but obviously not everything.
For example bright light and almost any sound is very difficult for me. I have no sense of direction at all. I really have problems
with authority figures. And of course, even after 15 years, my primary relationship (my wife) will never cease to be "interesting".
Of course you don't have to be autistic to understand that!
I could fill a book with advice (but I'm sick of all those books on autism out there!), but you might consider the following:

1) Read up on "Observer perspective", try to practice it yourself, and help your son with that.

2) If your son has issues with reciprocity, then study that subject yourself, and help him see reciprocity from a logical perspective.

3) If your son has issue with "empathy", then study compassion and share things about compassion with your son. I myself don't
have that much empathy, as the circuits don't seem to be there so much, but I've understood and practiced compassion since I
was 6. If you practice compassion, you will slowly develop more empathy of a sort, using object-based processing portions of the brain,
that autistics are good at using.

4) I'd really recommend yoga breathing exercises to prevent meltdowns. I first designed a yoga system when I was 8, that was very helpful.

5) "working through the pain" is a very helpful skill to learn. For example, I couldn't look people in the eye for my first 41 years. But
once I knew I was autistic, I quickly overcame that issue. Just train yourself to look people in the eyes, with the understanding that
it will hurt to do that, as you don't understand what's going on "in there", but just do it anyway.. be calm inside, and tell yourself it's
ok that you don't understand.. that the mere act of looking there is helpful socially. After a couple years, i started to understand what
body language was being communicated, to some degree.

6) Bootstrapping. That's what I call it anyway.. in conjunction with "working through the pain", and you can accomplish almost anything.

Basically find something your son likes, that if "stretched" is a useful life or work skill. Practice going beyond the boundaries, and keep
doing it for 60 days, until it's a habit. Rinse and repeat for a few clusters of skills. Eventually narrow autistic obsessions get widened,
and made useful. Over time, you get many skills, which lets you function in society.

Ok, gotta run. I wish you and your son the very best.

Kev