Journal JediJeeper's Journal: Life Would Be Better With a Monkey 2
Life would be so much better with a monkey,
Just think of it, a monkey, with you at all times in all situations, at work, at home and in the car. Not too big of a monkey, but a simple dog sized primate, preferably with an ill and unpredictable disposition.
At work for instance, your supervisor comes to your desk and drops a load of work on top of your already growing stack and pronounces an urgency to have this new task completed right after all the others, today, before noon. As he turns to walk away he is pelted by a well-aimed shot of said same work in the back of the head. When he turns furiously around, you simply shrug and point at the monkey, what can he do, how could he be seen kicking an innocent looking monkey. Right on monkey.
At lunch, in the company cafeteria, you spy something tasty on a co-workers plate, well, just send the monkey to retrieve the morsel. As the monkey deposits the spoils onto your plate you hastily give it an accidental test lick, thus claiming it for your own. Good job monkey. When your irate co-worker rises to complain, shrug sympathetically and shake your head at the monkey. What can he do?
You are driving home, you, being environmentally conscious, carpool of course. After a well-deserved lunch you have discovered an overwhelming case of gas has afflicted you. No problem, monkey to the rescue. Let it rip, quietly if possible but if not no worries. Immediately point and look embarrassedly at the monkey, make sure you maintain the proper look of shock on your face as there may be some skeptics in the car that clearly may have thought they heard you blast the wind.
At home, after the two hundredth time you managed to leave a booby trap for your unsuspecting wife in having the toilet seat up, she may be quite upset, she may even decide to fling a torrent of harsh words in your direction. Once again, your monkey is your friend. Simply pull that banana you have stashed in your pocket out and start to peel it, the monkey will freak out, and everyone knows that there is no overcoming the screeching antics he will rage into. Your wife's tirade will be lost amid the wonderful noise issuing from your primate. Remember to look understandingly at your wife and nod in complete submission.
There are many other benefits to having a monkey at your side, I will let you think of useful others. I do suggest the purchase of a propeller beanie hat for him though, it really completes the picture.
The risks are few, but do be cautious, your monkey may be killed at some time when you are not looking or are in the shower. Never take your eyes off him. Take care of your monkey, and he will take care of you.
Just think of it, a monkey, with you at all times in all situations, at work, at home and in the car. Not too big of a monkey, but a simple dog sized primate, preferably with an ill and unpredictable disposition.
At work for instance, your supervisor comes to your desk and drops a load of work on top of your already growing stack and pronounces an urgency to have this new task completed right after all the others, today, before noon. As he turns to walk away he is pelted by a well-aimed shot of said same work in the back of the head. When he turns furiously around, you simply shrug and point at the monkey, what can he do, how could he be seen kicking an innocent looking monkey. Right on monkey.
At lunch, in the company cafeteria, you spy something tasty on a co-workers plate, well, just send the monkey to retrieve the morsel. As the monkey deposits the spoils onto your plate you hastily give it an accidental test lick, thus claiming it for your own. Good job monkey. When your irate co-worker rises to complain, shrug sympathetically and shake your head at the monkey. What can he do?
You are driving home, you, being environmentally conscious, carpool of course. After a well-deserved lunch you have discovered an overwhelming case of gas has afflicted you. No problem, monkey to the rescue. Let it rip, quietly if possible but if not no worries. Immediately point and look embarrassedly at the monkey, make sure you maintain the proper look of shock on your face as there may be some skeptics in the car that clearly may have thought they heard you blast the wind.
At home, after the two hundredth time you managed to leave a booby trap for your unsuspecting wife in having the toilet seat up, she may be quite upset, she may even decide to fling a torrent of harsh words in your direction. Once again, your monkey is your friend. Simply pull that banana you have stashed in your pocket out and start to peel it, the monkey will freak out, and everyone knows that there is no overcoming the screeching antics he will rage into. Your wife's tirade will be lost amid the wonderful noise issuing from your primate. Remember to look understandingly at your wife and nod in complete submission.
There are many other benefits to having a monkey at your side, I will let you think of useful others. I do suggest the purchase of a propeller beanie hat for him though, it really completes the picture.
The risks are few, but do be cautious, your monkey may be killed at some time when you are not looking or are in the shower. Never take your eyes off him. Take care of your monkey, and he will take care of you.
Hmm, a slight drawback (Score:1)
There might be times, say, that you would want to be temporarily free of the monkey, such as when you are engaged in the hanky-panky with your wife. You wouldn't really be wanting to be keeping an eye on your monkey while you were involved in that.
It might be a good idea to invest in a secure cage
Re:Hmm, a slight drawback (Score:1)