I wrote a blog post on this a while back... and suddenly found myself in the midst of a battle between those (like me) who acknowledge that the term "engineering" is used to describe us developers loosely but who realise that (most of) what we do is in no way like formal engineering, and those who are closer to clean room / formal engineers (military and aeronautics software for example) who possibly rightly deserve the title. There are also those who do nothing like engineering but who feel robbed of that title if told their coding is anything less than an engineering discipline. http://blog.iancackett.com/201... I feel that many of us would aspire to move software development in an engineering-like direction, or at least to add formality where it benefits the outcome (product / safety / bugs, etc). But arguing that what most of us do day-to-day (particularly at startups) is engineering, isn't the way to get us there. There's no way the MVP I helped write for my current employer included more than an ounce of engineering formality in its creation. Sure, we have things like test-driven development, continuous integration, load testing, etc. But we don't approach development with the rigour and formality of an engineering discipline.

I'm 42, and I joined a startup as the third employee and senior engineer back in January. Still there 3 months later, and enjoying it. I was hired for my server-side (and general) experience, which is also a product of how long I've been in the industry... which I guess is therefore a product of my age. Of-course we all need to make an effort to take part, but I'd say that trying to "fit in" culturally would be a mistake. Any company who hired you should already understand the mix of experience and ages they really need to fuel their success. That said, you will no-doubt *feel* the need to fit in but, in your forties, I'd say it's time you should really be asking "What do I want and need from this, and what can I offer?" rather than just "Can I fit in?" Risk being "different", be who you are and, before long, the younger folks will no-doubt appreciate what you bring to this (frat) party - lol. You may be concerned that you have nothing unique to offer but, if you speak out where you see gaps and issues you understand, your experience will really come into its own. That is no-doubt why they hired you, and that's how you'll "fit in". And if any of those weekend road trips are deemed "mandatory", just roll your eyes. I do. You will never see 100% eye-to-eye with everyone there. Enjoy the ways in which you do and ignore the ways in which you don't.