... Without that connectivity, it's a doorstop (and a light-weight one at that, so it doesn't even do very good at blocking a door open).
You're thinking Douglas Adams here. "Paperweight" is the traditional term, though you don't see as many these days.
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."