Linux Sucks (Score:1, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on 06:09 AM October 11th, 2003 (#7189224)
This past year, I was accepted into Carnegie Mellon's School of Computer Science. It has been a remarkable experience that I would like to share with the Slashdot community. Here's an account of my experience.
Week 1, Sunday: I moved in today. My roommate, a sophomore CS student, had
already moved in two days before me. The floor is already completely covered
with garbage. He also smells. I think he might be gay too. He's already asked
me if I like the color he painted his toenails. This should be interesting. I
am almost completely settled in. Techno music is playing in every room in every
floor of my dorm. There are computers and other types of trash out in the
common areas. What a mess. Tomorrow, I am going to go sign up to get my network
Week 1, Monday: I got hooked up to the CMU network today! I jacked into the
network, only to find that the hostname and address assigned to me were
colliding with another system. I'll just increment the network numbers a few
times. I am really eager to get on.
Week 1, Tuesday: I am still looking for a free IP address. Can't anybody here
properly configure their systems?
Week 1, Friday: I finally found a free IP! It's mine! You sons of bitches can't
have it, I found it, I keep it, it's mine! To hell with all of you! Head hurts
really bad. I've slowly been developing a headache since I first arrived.
Everywhere I look there are these Lucent Technologies wireless access points. I
wonder if that's the problem.
Week 1, Saturday: I sat down at my computer today. My desktop wallpaper is now
the goatse.cx guy. Pleasant. Scattered over every directory on my C: drive are
thousands, possibly millions, of files titled "J00AR30WN3DBITCH-phj33r-" and
then some random hacker's name. Don't these people have lives? Maybe they need
laid or something. It'd take days to clean this out. I mentioned to my roommate
that I needed to reinstall Windows, and immediately he jumped up and shouted:
"NO! Do NOT use Windows!" Suddenly, two dozen other guys (all of them possibly
homosexuals) appeared at the door, each touting an operating system called
Linux. Half of them got into a fight over which was better, Debian, RedHat,
Slackware, and a bunch of others I couldn't recognize. Some kid who appeared to
not have showered since he was born was touting "Linux From Scratch", saying
that only losers used pre-made distros. A crowd of people in the back kept
quiet about how I'd be sorry if I used Linux instead of BSD on the network. Who
the fuck are these people? Classes start next week. Hope I have my computer
working so I can do my assignments.
Week 3, Friday: People are still trying to get Linux to work on my system. They
keep telling my that my hardware sucks. We go through about four or five
distributions a day. Every now and then, I notice a little devil on my screen.
Stickers for every of these distributions have been plastered on my case.
Suddenly, my room stinks a lot more with these people in here. I ask them why
they never shower, and the usual response is something along the lines of
"showering is like rebooting" and "I don't want to lose my uptime."
Week 3, Saturday: There's a troop of men running naked in a circle around
McGill Hall. I am not even going to ask.
Week 4, Wednesday: Linux is FINALLY working on my computer! I have a pretty
slick desktop too. I think I might like this. I can finally work in my room
instead of the labs, although considering the every increasing layer of garbage
on the floor...
Week 4, Thursday: My computer flashes messages about how I am "0WNX0RED" and
how I should "PHJ33R" whoever and how "L4MEX0R" I am for having an insecure
box. A kid suggests we reinstall Linux after discovering about 17 rootkits.
Week 5, Friday: Someone got BSD working on my computer. I wonder if this will
last. The stress has been building and I forgot to take a shower this morning.
Week 6, Tuesday: Seems I have been "0WNX0R3D" again. Took longer this time.
Minutes later, so meone comes in with a "Bastile Linux" install CD. He gets
started installing. I am feeling very suspicious of these guys.
Week 6, Thursday: Everyone seems to know more about my system than I do. It's a
bit unnerving. I guess anyone could feel upset from this sort of treatment.
They hack my box, trash it, then reinstall everything. I guess they think
they're being funny. My dirty clothes are piling up and I am out of clean ones.
I don't have time to do laundry, I'll have to wear something out of the pile.
Week 6, Friday: I got up this morning, sat at my machine, and stared at it
blankly. An icon ap peared on my desktop for Quake III. I suppose it couldn't
hurt to play some. I have been very stressed lately.
Week 6, Sunday: I lost track of time! I started playing Quake III on the
network with some other CMU students (who killed me hundreds of times in the
course of 10 minutes) and completely lost myself. There's a bag of chips that
has been sitting here for a few weeks. I think I'll finish those off for
breakfast and then go to sleep.
Week 7, Wednesday: I masturbate every day now. Not a single girl comes near me.
This is so depressing. Do I really smell? Oh well, I have the task of learning
how to secure my Linux box to keep me busy. Who has time for the opposite sex
Week 8, Tuesday: I got into a fight with this little shit who kept telling me
RedHat was great. What a fucking moron! Anybody who knows Linux knows that
Debian kicks its sorry little ass. I'll be getting my judiciary papers for the
incident in the mail. Doesn't this school get it? I can't let someone go around
converting people to RedHat! WtF!?
Week 8, Friday: My roommate squeezed my ass today! At first I was shocked and
appauled, and I told him off for it. Thinking about it later though, there was
just something that seemed too strong about my reaction. I'll talk to him later
and appologize for getting so upset, it wasn't really so bad.