HomelessInLaJolIa's Journal: 070707 (queasy)

I woke up feeling rather queasy today--the kind of queasy that comes with either the flu or eating a whole deck of LSD all at once.

I know what its from. It's diet. After six months of peanut butter and jelly, followed by four weeks of ramen noodles, I came up with a few dollars yesterday. I fully intended to stretch it as much as possible (as I have been in the last four weeks) and only buy ramen and bread. Well, after the first ramen and bread, my appetite was whetted and wouldn't be denied. I happily skipped over to Jack in the Box, bought two burgers, and washed them back with a big bottle of Coors. Due to some rather unique physical characteristics which I am "blessed" with a meal such as that is enough to make me feel like I've just eaten Thanksgiving dinner--stuffed and distended. So the discomfort begins there. After that the discomfort settles in even more thoroughly as my cramped midsection swells when the solid matter makes it's way through the small intestine.

Being me is like having the innards of a 230 lb. man but wearing a corset to keep the waistline at 28 inches. My corset is my own skin. It's all scar tissue, it doesn't stretch, and it's been this way since the age of two years. For all practical purposes the available volume to accomodate my digestive system (and other internal organs) hasn't increased much since I was 17. It causes me to be, in general, quickly irritable and easily inflamed (as anyone is when forced to wear midsection restricting attire for periods any longer than an hour or two). Just try wearing an extra tight corset or cumberbuns for a few weeks, twenty four hours a day, never able to take them off. I'm sure that this has figured into my temperment on the job when my managers have needled me for their own amusement... and I'm sure that they knew, ahead of time, that it was a factor and probably made use of that knowledge deliberately to misconstrue me as a malcontent or argumentative--after properly needling me (in private).

Of course the honest solution would be to quit trolling and needling me but, gosh darn, it's just so much fun, isn't it? Additionally, if I can be wound up and cast in a bad light, then I can be kicked out the door after using me like a slave. Works out perfectly for the managers--why can't I just be happy with it? I should be happy being treated like a third class citizen, shouldn't I? If not, well, I should be happy being homeless.

So this morning I woke up feeling a little bit stuffed and my digestive tract was a little bit ill. Not to be deterred I happily went to Starbucks and aggravated the situation with a venti extra bold (their new Gazebo is quite delicious). So now not only do I feel overstuffed but I'm also on a caffeine buzz.

Add to that the general psychological discomfort which comes from being pushed out to living on the streets in a society where someone with my talents, skills, and abilities is usually afforded a rather profitable position in their chosen professional field.

Hopefully the caffeine buzz wears off before I claw a hole in the ceiling.

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Historically, has anyone analyzed the reasons why one nation would occupy another? Occupation, across history, has always been used as a method to subjugate the occupied people and exploit the resources of the occupied territory. How many times in history has one nation occupied another for philanthropic reasons?

Not to cast any sort of historical light on the reality of the motivations behind the US federal government today. I know that there are many people in this world who just can't stand facing reality but, if I can do it, then anyone else who refuses to face reality is a blithering idiot _and_ a complete wimp.