No one else has found the drone's shadow? Hint: On campus and between two majestic symbols of academia.

The first thing anyone who finds one of these gems should do it immediately place the phone in a Faraday cage to block the cellular signal so Apple can't remotely brick it. This could be as simple as wrapping it in aluminum foil. Don't unwrap it until you are sure it is safe. Shouldn't that just be common sense? Of course if Apple is smart, the phone will brick itself if after some period of time it can't establish contact with Apple for authentication.

Perhaps this whole accelerator business is simply a mass delusion like the Seattle Windshield Pitting Epidemic. Cosmic rays got blamed then also.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Windshield_Pitting_Epidemic

No one wants their head frozen to a can of tuna?