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Journal GMontag's Journal: The Return of the Hydrogen Powered Jeep and Other Stuff 2

The man that made Dave Barry famous, Ken Lane, has inspired me to bring back the Hydrogen Powered Jeep tale. This article is what finally pushed me over the edge (well, anybody familiar with me on Slashdot knows the pushing does not have to bee too hard, hehe).

So, le'mme tell y'all 'bout my hydrogen powered Jeep . . .

Back in 1996 I went out of my way to find a hydrogen powered Jeep, being the environmentalist that I be. It was a difficult task it was, I searched much of the east coast from Maryland to Georgia and as far inland as Tennessee.

The main problem was not finding a hydrogen powered Jeep, it was finding a great deal on a hydrogen powered Jeep, as my credit had been totally screwed in a divorce.

However, the good folk at the Jeep dealership in Oak Ridge, TN constructed a great deal, so I purchased a 4 WD, 4.0L, 1996 Jeep Cherokee Sport (see, I used metric for the engine size, therefore I am 'enlightened') and zipped off to my assignment in Georgia. I was working for a Defense Contractor at the time and had a hottie Georgia girlfriend, life was good.

This vehicle is awsome too, white with black trim, two doors (they are somewhat rare) and grey interior. I would have preferred Volunteer Orange, but the market for that is not as large as you would think.

Much to the suprize of the tree hugging class, I had no trouble tanking up on hydrogen anyplace I drove! No, I am not kidding! It was easy as cake, a piece of pie, and another blending of metiphores.

For some reason, the government keeps these hydrogen resupply stations a big fat secret. I believe that Greenpeace is keeping it hush-hush too, until there a lot more of these stations. Perhaps the Masons and the Vatican have formed an unholy alliance, the MasonKnights or something, to suppress this revolutionary energy.

Anyway, the hydrogen I use is this stuff: C7H16. See, the H is Hydrogen and there are 16 IN EVERY PACK! The C is Carbon and they mix that with the hydrogen to keep it from blowing away really easy.

When you mix this stuff with air, and this is the super kewell part, you get this: C7H16 + 11O2 = 7CO2 + 8H2O See? Isn't it AWSOME! Plants LOVE the CO2 part and you get SEVEN of them every time your engine blasts C7H16 + 11O2 into pieces and propells you down the highway. The other cool part, you get EIGHT H2Os, that is great for the environment too, since I keep hearing about water shortages in Washington State (all the sinks at SEATAC say "preserve fresh water"), they could use a bunch of these Jeeps.

After I heard that plants LOVE CO2 and H2O I began going offroad, spreading my life giving exhaust to all the plants and trees in the Hundred Acre Wood. I love the trees and they love me, sometimes even falling over in front of my Jeep, as if to say "Montag, will you take me home with you?" I sadly reply, "Oh, large strong tree, you are a bit too large to fit into my Hydrogen Powered Jeep, my friend". But the tree always responds "Don't you have a chainsaw?" Then I gleefully honor the request and reduce my new friend to 18" long logs, load it into the Hydrogen Powered Jeep. Later we spend hours by a romantic fire.

Oh, I almost forgot, don't tell anybody else becuase the Trilateral Commission or whomever is hiding the Hydrogen stations will 'get' me, but the hydrogen is sold at these little cigarette and grocery stores called "Exxon" or "Mobile" or "Sunoco", etc. The stuff is so secret that they will even use the left over H2O from your driving around to wash your Jeep! You just have to keep quiet about the hydrogen and buy more. The secret name is "gasoline", but you didn't hear it from me.

I prefer the "Exxon" secret stores, because they spilled a bunch of hydrogen a few years ago up near Alaska and could really use the money.

Maybe they should change the name of the stuff, gasoline sounds so stuffy. Since it was made by plants and animals absorbing carbon and sunlight (wow, it is organic too! so that almost makes me a vegan!) they ought to call it Liquid Sunshine!

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The Return of the Hydrogen Powered Jeep and Other Stuff

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  • Your vehicle runs on heptane? I thought the substance you got from those hydrogen refueling stations was primarily octane, C8H18. Of course, I drank my way through organic, so I could be wrong.
    • Ooops! I might have a hydrogen and carbon accounting error there!

      I looked it up on th interweb, but you know how it is with secret stuff, you never know what you get.

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