isn't unix dying?

Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Dirty GNU Hippie community when last month IDC confirmed that Rancid Smelling GNU Hippies account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all humans. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Natty haired greasy GNU Hippie have lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. Reeking Linux Hippies are collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last [sysadminmag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive /usr/bin/sh test.

You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict the future of the Stinking sweaty Linux hippie. The hand writing is on the wall: Foul-stenched GNU hippies with swampy armpits face a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for them because they are dying. Things are looking very bad for Hairy-backed GNU hippie. As many of us are already aware, they continue to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

Troll leader Anonymouse Coward states that there are 7000 goatse.cx trolls. How many ascii art trolls are there? Let's see. The number of goatse.cx versus ascii art posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 ascii art trolls. Pimply-faced GNU hippies posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of ascii art posts. Therefore there are about 700 Dirty GNU Hippies. A recent article put "first post" at about 80 percent of the troll market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 "first post" trolls. This is consistent with the number of first posts.

All major surveys show that Putrid smelling greasy GNU hippies have steadily declined in market share. Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Grubby Smelly Linux Hippies are to survive at all it will be among troll hobbyist dabblers. Slashdot continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Dirty GNU Hippies are dead.

With the recent death of the goatse.cx guy, we need a new goatse.cx guy. This is your opportunity to be the next goatse.cx guy!!! Mail your answers to the following questions to CmdrTaco at malda@slashdot.org.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the looseness of your anus? (1 being incredibly tight, 10 being incredibly loose)

2. If you rated the looseness of your anus under 9, would you be interested in a looser anus?

3. Why do you want to be the goatse.cx guy?

4. If the looseness of your anus is less than a 9 do you have any problem with CmdrTaco shoving taco shells up your anus and smashing them?

5. If the looseness of your anus is greater than or equal to 9, do you still want your anus to be looser?

6. Do you have any objections to being naked whenever you are in the slashdot compound? (except for butt plugs if you wish to wear them)

7. Will you engage in taco snotting with CmdrTaco to become the next goatse.cx guy?

8. Will you sign a wavier that any injuries caused by goats will not cause you to sue CmdrTaco, slashdot.org, and/or goatse.cx?

9. Please provide an email address so we can contact you.