Ethelred Unraed's Journal: Time to pass some blame (WARNING! Gallows Humor!)

In today's news, the White House was forced to admit that President George W. Bush is directly responsible for the hurricane's devastation. As is now clear, he was standing in Crawford, twirling his lasso so much that it created the vortex that became Katrina. The reason he stayed on vacation in Crawford for those crucial two days is because he was still winding down from that bodacious lasso twirl -- can't stop on a dime, ya know. The Democratic Party was quoted as saying "See? I told you so!!!!11!!!!1!", whereupon Karl Rove emerged from the shadows to reveal that Bush was making this shit up.

Meanwhile, the real reason the fine folks of FEMA didn't respond quickly is because they a) couldn't understand the Louisiana drawl over the phone, b) were all in Iraq for a bitchin' game of Twister, c) couldn't find New Orleans on their jigsaw puzzle maps or d) were waiting on the paperwork to be filed by each victim before responding.

In other news, Dennis Hastert proposes bulldozing New Orleans. In response, the people of New Orleans propose bulldozing Hastert. The motion fails when it is revealed that no bulldozer ever made is capable of budging his ass. It was further revealed that the newly-created Nobel Prize for Worst Tact Ever will be awarded to Hastert posthumously.

The International Federation of Neo-Conservatives announced in a press release that the real reason for their lack of empathy for the tribulations of New Orleans was not, in fact, because of racism targeting poor blacks. It was because New Orleans was French.

The latest game as seen in Washington, on Slashdot and at the Peoria Knitting Club, known as Blame That Guy, has assumed phenomenal dimensions of popularity not seen since the previous releases of the game, Hypocrisy, was invented. On a different note, the other game released on the same date, Help People In Need, was quietly pulled from the shelves.

The Louisiana National Guard announced that the reason they had turned back the fabled Wal-Mart water trucks from New Orleans was because they thought the last thing New Orleans needed was more water. And anyway, they were suspicious that Wal-Mart, a known and admitted nexus of evil, would donate anything.

And finally, in a fit of pique after reading journals and comments from the past few days, Ethelred Unraed, heir presumptive to the Glorious Imperial Throne of the Galaxy, reported that his head had exploded.

...

UPDATE It has come to my attention that my presumptive title may be abbreviated to GIT of the Galaxy. We are not amused.

Slight adjustment.

[Talinom]

As is now clear, he was standing in Crawford, twirling his lasso so much that it created the vortex that became Katrina.

I thought that Hurricane Katrina, which was formed from a mass of rising hot air, was twirled into existence by extreme political spin.

Politicians and hot air, that's all I'm sayin'.

Re:Slight adjustment.

[setzman]

I thought it was Karl Rove's weather machine.

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:More gallows humour

[ces]

"Katrina changes everything" is the one I've been waiting for.

Re:More gallows humour

[yuri benjamin]

Why? What happened on the 9th of November?

Still Laughing

[bettiwettiwoo]

It's brilliant.

Hee Hee, thats funny

[JohnnyComeLately]

The only thing you're missing is someone saying it was Israel who put Bush up to it because it'll take away from aid promised to Palistine.

I'm reading all these people going off about nothing and just shaking my head. I kid you not, there was a report someone was going to sue because the levee didn't keep anything over a Cat3 storm back. Unbelievable. On the other hand, it's not. People buy a house next to an airport and then bitch about noise. We're at 7 days and everyone is there pitching in. Yet th