If the Democrats really want control of all the things (not saying they're not corrupt), why was it under Obama that the government let its contract with ICANN expire, hmm? They aren't introducing new legislation, because yet another goddamn law on the books shouldn't be needed. Title II was a pretty good fit for the situation. A new law is just as, if not more likely to promote government overreach than reinstating Title II classification.

Correct, they stripped themselves of this power a few weeks ago by reclassifying internet service as Title I. That's the whole point here. They did have the legal authority, and they took it away from themselves to please their corporate overlords.

Step 3 : Rewrite said software package to continually say "I'm here and functioning" and feed a static dummy image to our benevolent ISP.

Wait... and hour? Any flavor of Windows set up like that give 10 minutes to appear normal at idle and 15 minutes before BSOD or some other "I'm Windows, I'm dead shit".