A beam walked into a bar, and the bartender asked it if it wanted anything. The beam replied, "Just a moment."

Talk about a hopelessly false analogy. If your job consisted of filling jars with water, and some jars came to you with their lids screwed on tight and you weren't allowed to do anything about it, how well do you think you'd get paid? The jar analogy is used in education not as a reference to inherent ability/intelligence in the student, but to the attitudes and resources that they have and are surrounded by. The grades that teachers give out reflect only the performance of the children receiving them, not of the effort put forth by the teachers -- and not for the self-serving reasons you suggest. A teacher can't make parents be more supportive, can't prevent a student from filling his head with an attitude that intelligence is to be mocked. A teacher can't go back in time and make the parents read to their children every night. These factors, not the abilities of the teacher, are what determines the differences in learning between two kids of similar intelligence.

Gumstix sells an audio daughtercard, as well as an ethernet one. (Possibly on the same card) None have USB host capability yet, but supposedly that's coming in the *next* round of upgrades based on the 27 series XScale. Still not gonna be $100, but 3 out of 4 ain't bad.