Journal Com2Kid's Journal: Shittest ass fucking day today. 8
and insert bitch in there someplace just to complete the damn lineup.
Chrono-fucking-logical order anyone? Good.
So last night I give Rosia a good night kiss on the cheak in front of my house and Her brother drives by (fucking paranoid religious zealot) this results in me not getting like ANY fucking good sleep last night, or at least I woke up with nightmares again and again. Fuck it.
So alarm clock goes off at 5:30 in the morning, I realize that all chances are Rosia is not coming over so once again, fuck it and go back to sleep. Then get up hour or so later get shit ready and get call at 7:00, rosia is coming over. Throw together some breakfast (2xPbnJ, as I said, wasn't expecting anyone, and packing a breakfast is an assload harder then packing a lunch, WTF is a person supposed to pack for breakfast?)
already so already my sense of time is fucked to hell, have NO idea what is going on. Rosia insists we stay in the
So I spent an hour or so reading up on the compli-fucking-cated detailed of english grammer and come out with dry ass eyes to go to english class. One high point of the day, teacher asks us to write from perspective of somebody different from ourselves, I ask if I can write from the perspective of a 142 year old gay man flying towards his death in the sun.
She asks me to not be so surreal and make it a 70 year old gay man.
Whatever. I think'll I'll go for an alien. Hell if I am this fucking pissed off tomarrow I'll write from the perspective of a giant dick floating through space. And yes I am serious. I think reference things like this as being giant spacial orgasms.
Smart people don't say it is impossible for them to be weirded out. She'll learn.
So yah back on fucking topic. Going from checmistry class to math class (Rosia left her chemistry book in Her car book so we shared mine) Rosia starts talking about running away.
Ok brief interjection here. Hell froze over for a third time (amazon.com reports first ever profit, amazon.com reports second ever profit, Rosia's family finaly buys a house. That is the running total so far) and Rosia's family purchased a new house. Which is like a little over half a mile away from mine, a bit less as the crow flies or as the homo sapian walks. People in cars got one hell of a round about way of getting there though. Poor them.
But bitchy thing is Rosia's sister is moving back in (noooo fucking idea why Rosia's sister and Rosia's mother don't get along worth jack SHIT) and Rosia and Rosia's Sister are going to end up fighting like hell so sayith Rosia. Rosia originaly was to get one of the upstairs bedrooms but now that is NOT going to happen and she is going to be downstairs instead with her sister whom she is going to fight all the time with.
Which has Rosia mega-freaked out. Now my advice is just Stay Away From Home(tm), but here is where the interjection ends and we get back to the main thread.
So Rosia says can she run away to me, I think she says can she run away to my house. She is speaking metaphoricaly, I was thinking literaly.
I say "no, we (my family) has tried that before, doesn't work" by which I am referencing the entire girl running away from bitchy family thing, had a foster child like that, it just doesn't work.
Rosia then gets majorily pissed and won't tell me why and I am sitting there through math class feeling like shit trying to figure out what was wrong about what I said (shit I am thinking, referencing a past event shouldn't have been a problem, huh???) and Rosia is sitting there calling me a jerk the entire time throughout math class and when I finaly get Her to say what it is about on the way to the day locker she is all pissed off is still insulting me all the way on up to chem lab about 15 feet outside the door of which I get so damn pissed off I drop the books and run off initialy to the gardens but then realizing how damn cold it is outside and that it is raining I turn around and go to the library and sit there immobile for like 3 fucking hours brooding over shit.
Yah lovely. Rosia goes and looks for me but cannot find me, goes to my house looking for me, states WHY she is looking for me (?????) and that I was not in chem lab, and then decides to wait for me to come back. So I at around 4:00pm finaly stir and get up and go and finish up some paper work shit I gotta do and use the pay phone to schedule the doctors appointment I missed (yah great the only days the doctor is there are the days I have lab classes, lovely, and the doctor's last appointment time is at 4:00 and my lab gets out at 3:00, love-fucking-ly) and then walk my ass the 1.5mi home which ain't so bad. Walk in the back door and Rosia runs from the front of the houes to me and we go into the back room to talk and after my little issues are taken care of guess what we come fucking back to?
She still wants to run away, oh just for a few days she says.
Now I naturaly refuse to go along with this plan. If I did then I would permanintly piss off my parential figures aka the ones feeding/clothing/paying my tuition and I would have jack shit chance of EVER getting a good job and basicaly my entire life would be ruined which would keep me from EVER helping Rosia out of Her current dire prediciment. She is sitting there going I cannot help her and I am going no fucking shit, I gotta get an education first which in case you haven't noticed I am working my ass off at.
"Well you don't love me if you loved me you'd go with me" and I am sitting there going "I ain't going cuz if I went I would
"well fine then I'll go by myself and get hurt"
now the thing is I am stuck in position where a: while I don't want her to get hurt, b: if I go I can not ever do ANYTHING for her again in the future. So obviously I gotta work to shit to keep her from going, which I do my best to do through logical persuasion.
Namely, what the fuck are you going to profit out of this? I keep on asking her, what are you going to GAIN out of this? Nothing. No money, no education, no NOTHING. You're just going to piss people off, oh fucking joy, like you really need to anger anybody ELSE in your family any MORE.
"No" she replies, "I would make them worry."
Uh fucking NO. Your youngest brother wouldn't give a shit, your religious brother would be PISSED at you for being "such a bad daughter" (by his views), your mother couldn't give much of a shit either way, and you would only make your father worry. Something she does not want to do anyways.
But no, that doesn't fucking work. Eventualy she gets so damn tired that she curls up on the mattress in the computer room and starts to fall to sleep so I walk her to my bedroom and she curls up next to me and starts to go to sleep.
Anyways eventualy my motherly figure type gets back from work and does her best to get on my case about missing chemistry. My father is like no it was just lab nothing big (who the fuck gives a care about mass/volume relationships? What the fuck do I look like I am in, middle school again? Shit give me something to blow up, not this damn piddily ass micro-scale experimintation shit. I want something with some big ass blooms of smoke coming out and the damn bunsen burners going full damn blast) and my mother then goes into my room with the lights off and gets on my case about that and I am NOT having a good day at this point (no fucking shit) and I manage to some-fucking-how get the chemistry thing blown off after which my mother manages to piss EVERYBODY off with her entire "I don't want you too alone in there with the lights off" speal which I really do NOT need, I get fucking DEATH THREATS about my extemist views of abstanence before marriage I don't need no bullshit from my own mother, so fuck that shit, Rosia needless to say gets pissed off and leaves at about 1.5x the speed limit.
and yah that brings me to writting this damn entry.
En-fucking-joy.
did i miss a past journal(or four)? (Score:2)
How old are you and Rosia? How long have you been dating?
Where do you two go to school? What are you both majoring in?
You hint that Rosia has some sort of disadvantaged background. Can you elaborate?
If I may, I suggest a promise ring, with an explanation. Its not an engagement ring, its a promise to get engaged at a later date - provided certain conditions can be kept.
1. You need to finish college. For financial reasons, you need to live with your parents until you're done. Therefore, eloping/running away is out of the question.
2. As a result of (1), you need to conduct yourselves in a way that will be acceptable to your parents.
3. If Rosia runs away, all bets are off. As much as you love her, you can't throw your life away, because like you said, what kind of life are you going to be able to provide if you don't get that degree? So she needs to work things out with her family.
If her parents are the way they sound, you should just explain everything to them. Most parents would kill for a boyfriend who was committed to graduating college and then marrying their daughter before they consummated the relationship. Hell, that's even a better alternative for them than her being single. The peer pressure to have sex in college is intense, and especially for women. Whereas in high school a girl is looked upon as a slut if she has sex, in college it somehow becomes the appropriate time to try it. Subtly warn her parents what Rosia could be facing if she can't live at home peaceably with her parents. I bet you anything they would consider her living at home and dating you the far preferable alternative.
Re:did i miss a past journal(or four)? (Score:1)
How old are you and Rosia? How long have you been dating?
Where do you two go to school? What are you both majoring in?
You hint that Rosia has some sort of disadvantaged background. Can you elaborate?
Oh, heh, most of my journal entries have been ABOUT Rosia, it is just that I have been writting on other topics lately.
Quick summary, Vietnamese family, mother is a wacko nut job who believes woman should do everything, to an extent that is far past even what her own cultures traditions go to. She spoils the living crap out of her sons to the point that they have zero respect for her, but end all is that Rosia is bottom rung on the ladder and as such is the one always being picked on by everybody.
Well the thing is that Rosia's father believes any (romantic) social interaction before college is complete is a big no no Something I cannot fault him for since I err, heh, hold the same sediments. ^_^
Rosia's father is just threatening to kill any boyfriend.
Rosia's mother is also partially jealous / upset when ever Rosia is happy in any way shape or form. Did I mention that woman is a complete basket case?
This would involve Rosia being allowed to have peers. ^_^
Rosia's father has given up any hope of controlling matters, Rosia's mother is aiming for discordance.
Though if I told Rosia's mother that Rosia *HATED* money Rosia's mother would likely start throwing cash at Rosia. Ok the mother is not a stupid woman, just evil. Malicious style evil, she will lie and deceive people just to get to the point of hurting her own daughters. That is the problem here, the mother has the father's ear so even if I manage to temporarily convince him of something, sooner or later the mother will turn him back!
Thank you for the intellgent response to the stupid angry rant though. ^_^ It has helped me to summarize a ton of stuff! Yaah!
Re:did i miss a past journal(or four)? (Score:1)
Aren't Asian families the best?!
Running never helps. (Score:1)
I know she's stubborn, and can only see that her way is the right way, but it doesn't work out in the long run. maybe you can discuss this with her rationally after she chills out a bit and accepts that there will be chaos.
I speak from experience -- I had to run three times before things got to a place where they started working again. When I was young, I ran to a friend's house; they just returned me to my house. Strike 1. I left home in the middle of the night when I was 19 (20? I can't remember.) to live with a so-called friend. She ended up being a selfish two-timing bitch, and I ended up being stuck in the house all the time (and by house, I mean doublewide). 6 weeks later, I visited my aunt & returned to a rant on the whiteboard that called me a bitch, and I "ran" from there to my aunt's place -- things only began to get better when I started taking responsibility for myself... as the oldest kid, I always took responsibility for everyone else, but didn't grow up enough to do so for myself (*mutter* the curse of being 7 years older than my oldest brother and 16 years older than my youngest brother).
Unless R's ready to take that leap (and it doesn't sound like she is) and unless you're ready to be her support for that leap (which sounds less likely), this 'running away' is bound to fail.
Tell her to spend more time in the library, at the bookstores, in the coffee shops. There's always a place to be away from home, without leaving home for good.
It takes two, baby (Score:2)
Don't you hate that shit? That is a UNIVERSAL TACTIC. Its all so passive aggresive. So you need a strategy to deal with this, because this is what happens to nice guys (and not so nice guys, read on!).
Plain and simple its a cry for attention and a bid for control. that's all well and good. Personally, I don't have major ish with someone else having to be in control, its just the passive aggresive tactic that I find childish.
What do I do? I ignore her. And I start smiling. THAT IS KEY. Short circuit that stuff REAL FAST. You are ignoring her and not taking her seriously. Maybe that isn't the angle that you want to play, but I find it to be such a CRUSHING defeat to the "I hate you. I'm not telling you why" bullshit- because they can only make you miserable for as long as you allow them.
So seriously, I charge you with coming up with your own strategy; completely devoid of emotion (because THAT is what it hinges on), and completely self aware. There is a hint of cruelty to my strategy, but look at it this way:
I am a NICE GUY. You can tell me straight out what you need and I will give it to you. So why do I have to suffer these games?!
You know what? I DON'T have to suffer these games! I take control of the situation by not playing. It reduces the drama.
Thoughts?
(I realize this is only a small, small fraction of all that you wrought, but again, I don't know your whole situation. But it seems like within you there is this battle of the hemispheres- logic and emotion are raging side by side.
And that's the battle everyone has to fight.
So I'm focusing on a small piece. But keep breaking it down to these small pieces- they are more manageable, and its a good way of figuring out what you want in the large.)
Re:It takes two, baby (Score:1)
What do I do? I ignore her
I don't think it's really a good idea to feed miscommunication with a lack of communication on your part. If she is pulling the "I hate you and you should know why, so I'm not telling" calmly explain that you would like to understand what you did to elicit such a reaction. If you don't get a civilized response back, then just let it drop until there is a better time to discuss it than in the middle of class.
I find it to be such a CRUSHING defeat
Do you really want to define your relationship in terms of "crushing" your partner? It's not professional sports, you don't need to think of her as your opposition. You should be on the same "team", to continue the sports analogy.
True, if you continue feeding into that emotional trap when they want attention, then the behavior will not stop. Alerting someone to the fact that they have an emotional response that they may not be consciously aware of is one thing, deciding to go to such extremes as ignoring them could just exacerbate the need for attention and the person would then seek out a wider range of dysfunctional ways to command your attention.
Thanks, bellus! (Score:2)
Don't just ignore her, tell her why you are about to ignore her, and tell her how she can get your attention again.
Now the point that I wanted to emphasize is the "just let it drop until a better time.."-
Seriously, clear it from your mind and drop any emotional charge that goes along with it.
To address my standoffishness:
If you are "jerking my chain", you are disrespecting me. You are my opponent, but a part of me is also my opponent (read on). Its one thing to push my buttons in jest, but its another thing to wreck havoc on my emotional state. Shape up, or ship out. But this is as much my fault as it is yours. Shame on you for being reckless with my feelings, and shame on me for allowing you.
I may love you, but I do, indeed, want to CRUSH your nasty habits that hurt me.
So to recap: yeah, what Bellus Quies said, but if it persists after you've made your position clear as day, I think ignoring someone is a GREAT tactic for dealing with passive aggresive behavior. If they can't logic, then put the frustration in their plate; "don't let your dysfunction drag me down."
Dear Com2Kid (Score:2)
"well fine then I'll go by myself and get hurt"
Dear Com2Kid,
Run, don't walk, RUN away from this relationship. There are other fish in the sea.
Signed,
CyranoVR