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Journal Com2Kid's Journal: So . .errr. . anybody out there good at social engineering? 13

Journal by Com2Kid

Alright, so A:

I feel really guilty about writting this journal cuz it is like 101% self serving and then some

But hey, this is the internet, worst comes to worst (and I'd hate to do this. . . .) I can always get another IP and change my nick. ;-D (don't think I could though, heh, I'd rather be a pariaha then stop using Com2Kid, I've had it since 1995, it is my name!)

Ok that said and done, here is situation.

Summer quarter is coming to a close, which is rather suck ass for a number of reasons. (the least of which is that I happen to like taking math classes, err, heh. I may bitch about them but I do like math. :-D )

Second reason is that since my /offical/ relationship to Her is as Her academic 'tutoring friend person type thingy whojustsohappenstohaveaychromosome" I do not have an excuse to see Her for about, oh, say a month.

Now I am a very patient person, I mean shit, if I gotta wait for something to happen to me then so be it.

But I do NOT like(and this next line is complete and utter bullshit) waiting around while somebody else ain't happy.

As I said, complete and utter BS, I just do not want to go an entire month without getting to kiss/hug/hold Her. (did I mention this was a completely self serving write-up? Yes? Gooooood. ;-D )

Now then, here is the logical layout of the situation:

Father is like super highly suspicious of 'us' and warns Her 'not to do anything shameful' before each time She leaves Her house to study. His warnings have gotten a bit more frequent as of late. . . . as I said, He is suspicious. He likely thought he had put an end to everything last time him and I talked, but I was able to work around the mental traps he had placed for me (did I mention he is good?) and moraly justify my actions to myself (albiet that doesn't count since situations ended up with me justifying things to myself after the fact, which is NOT proper, if Shit can't be worked out before Shit happens then Shit shouldn't be allowed to happen, my bad) and have got his Daughter nearly to the point of internaly accepting the portions of my moral and values system which correspond to the relationship between Her and I.

But as I said, he is highly suspicious. Actualy he has intelligence training, She just recently noticed that he observers her every move for the smallest of details, my reply to her? "Well duuuuh, of course he does! :-D "

I do not personaly object to any of this, nor could I possibly object to what he believes She should or should not do, and indeed under /optimal/ circumstances the limits that he has placed upon Her would be perfectly resonable and just.

PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU CAN SKIP THIS NEXT SECTION AND GO DOWN TO THE NEXT /I/B'D SECTION IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ A LONG STRING OF WHAT IS LIKELY RATHER BORING CRUD

Buuuuut, see thing is (and once again this is me doing some quick ass moral justification work, I just want to be near Her, bleeeeeh! [actualy in real like I would likely use nyaaaah buuuuut, hehe] ) that over the month She is either going to be stuck at home with the psychologicaly battering mother, or pulled all around by Her loving yet, err, ah,

well if you think Her father is overprotective, Her brother is. . . . .

Well on the plus side he refused to even /talk to/ the mother. At all. Mystifies the living crud out of the mother

Aside: She spoiled him and never made him follow any rules, he eventualy realized what the mother had done to him and as such now resents her highly for it. the mother just wanders around going "what did I do wrong??? I treated him nicely and spoiled him and gave him everything, why does he never want to see me again??" Karma coming back to bite the mother in the ass, heh. /end aside

On the negative side he is; well, err. . . . he scares the living f*cking shit out of me. From what I can gather he is rather prone to violence (not against Her, he does everything in the world to protect Her), and she tends to tear up and mention stuff about gangs and such whenever probed to deeply about it.

Oh yah he also has a bad habit of hitting his wife. ("He's getting better though!" Bleh, anybody who hits a pregnant woman should have the living fucking shit kicked out of them. )

But as I said, He does everything in the world to take care of Her (very possessive thuogh.... VEERRRRY possessive. . . . wants Her to be with him all the time. . . .) and there are some other relatives down at the brother's house (mind you there are shitpot loads of brothers here, so, err, yah it can get confusing, I just got it worked out myself. Heh) who tend not to treat Her quite so nicely, and She is generaly stressed out down there at times,

though other times She has a /great/ time, but the issue is that one of the other relatives down there (annoying high school brat) can be rather mean to Her, and She does not always sleep as well down there as She does in Her own bed. (I am sorry, but do I qualify under the pathedic label for being horribly sad when I here She has to sleep on the couch and is still afraid of the Dark? I just don't want Her to have to sleep on the couch in the dark 'tis all. ^_^ Yah I am a sucker, heh)

Ok so anyways that is my entire justificatin for pending actions rant.

IF YOU SKIPPED ALL THAT STUFF UP ABOVE PLEASE NOTE THAT RIGHT HERE IS WHERE I ACTUALLY PUT SOMETHING PERTINENT

Well yah back to the logical layout thing;

Basicaly I previously did not realize that the father's limits placed upon Her where /cultural/ in origin, I tend to, err, heh, forget about socio-cultural thingies cuz I normaly avoid people just for such reasons. :-D (Ya'all have too many illogical thinga-majiggies that got'cha all caught up in what'cha ya'all can do!)

Basicaly in my original analysis I made the mistake of thinking that the father was acting on purely logical backgrounds.

Obviously a big Fuck Up on my part. DOH!

So, err, ah, if it was purely logical backgrounds then I could easily (or at least with some work at it) convince the father that, if even if not 100% correct, that I am not a danger to his Daughter and that Her spending Large Quanities Of Time with me is not a bad thing. (actualy the key is to ensure that the mind responds happily to closing stimuli. So instead of worrying and thinking "She is finaly home I hope nothing happened!" the brain just smiles and thinks general happy positive thoughts upon seeing the desired end stimuli of the sequence of events. Thus in this case it would be Her coming through the door entering Her house after coming back from seeing me (Her house has thin walls, it is easy to hear exactly what is going on all around, not to mention that it is easier to have somebody intellectualy accept something then to have them /actualy/ accept something, if, err, that makes any sense at all. ) where ever. (Advantage of living in a city with a large number of trails and parks and gardens: A large number of trails and parks and gardens. :-D )

So, err, heh. But he is not basing his actions off of purely logical reasonings, but instead has;

well I did NOT realize exactly how strong the social pressures on him are. (pressures is not being used in its regular conentation there, but rather I mean, err, social interia I guess? I don't know, yeeesh! Heh, whatever it is that says "Do this and this and this but NOT THAT!!!" but is not related to peer pressure. ^_^ )

Maybe rather then ". . . .on him are." I should say "that he follows are".

Both are only partialy correct. . . . *sighs*

Anyways I need to (want to) find a way to overcome his entire whattheheckeveryouwanttocallit so that She can see me without him getting ultra suspicious! (and obivously just having him accept everything would be far easier then working around him).

Err, I cannot see /any/ way about this, which kind of worries me since normaly I am pretty good at this sort of thing, doh!

As I said, compleatly self serving, and for once I fear that summerizing everything in a journal entry did not help to much, though it did as per usual allow me to make some new found insights into what is going on.

Oh yes, and, err, I gotta (wanna) kinda find solution to this by tomarrow, heh. Doh!!!

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So . .errr. . anybody out there good at social engineering? More

So . .errr. . anybody out there good at social engineering?

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  • Bring it out in the open already. That way he won't be suspicious because he'll know what's going on.

    It's sort of like the monster in a good scary movie. They never show it to you. Because not knowing is more frightening than the truth could ever be. So have her tell him you love each other and go from there.

    The truth shall set you free. :)
    • Remember, you are speaking from a "Western" point of view. Something tells me that bringing it out in the open would worsen the current situation. Right now, the father can play all the mind games that he wants, but he can't actually know for sure that something romantic is going on. If she tells her father that they love each other, then he might very well never allow her to see him again.

      The truth shall set you free only in a world where each person dictates their own life. The father does not want his daughter to be romantically involved; stating outright that she is in love allows her father to cut off all contact between her and Com2Kid.
      • You are probably correct in your assessment. My problem with dealing with people who have a non Western mindset is that while I can intellectually understand it, understand where it comes from, why they act the way they do, it is so anti-thetical to me and my way of life, that I just want to make these types of people hurt very bad and for a very long time.

        (Work in the medical industry, so deal with a great number of people from all sorts of cultures. USians have one mindset, Africans another, Western Europeans, Eastern Europeans (there is a difference), Indians, Pacific Rim residents (haven't dealt with enough of this last group to separate them any more than that).

        No, each group is frustrating in their own way. But, sometimes, if you know what motivates them, you find that you can make them happy by doing less than you would to make a USian happy. (Although from their standpoint, you did a great deal more).

        We need more homogeneity of culture. Things are just too difficult with all these different personality types. (Kidding!)
        • My problem with dealing with people who have a non Western mindset is that while I can intellectually understand it, understand where it comes from, why they act the way they do, it is so anti-thetical to me and my way of life, that I just want to make these types of people hurt very bad and for a very long time.

          Oh heck, that is how I feel dealing with the Western mind set as well!

          "Well if you haven't done drugs how do you know they aren't good for you????"

          "Sex is a normal part of a child's emotional maturity process"

          "Only gays write poetry!!!"

          And so forth. . . .

          bleck.

          Western sucks, heh. At least a goodly number of the Eastern cultures have the entire respect for elders thing down (Hint: They are wiser then you are, listen to them, might learn something! Yaah! Heh. Brats never want to listen to their elder's lessons. . . . bleck)

          And of course the most infamous. . . .

          "He is 13 now, he is an adolescence not a kid!!!"

          Bull, age18 == kid.

          Quite frankly Her families problems are far less then what many of my other friend's have. I mean shoot, no drugs, no crack heads going in and outa the house all day, there aren't roaches in the place, no worrying about some prick gunning them down cuz of some feud, I mean shit, they are about as close to "Normal" as you can get in American society. :P

          While it is rather unfortunate that comparatively that is the situation, and it sure as hell isn't an excuse for any of the bad shit that /does/ happen in Her family, I do have to give some credit to a culture that can raise 5 kids not to do drugs/have premarital sex/listen to their teachers.)
  • You are going to start tutoring her for next semester early. BTW, she should actually be doing some homework, or something to prove to him that you aren't doing this for your own reasons.

  • What are his cultural expectations? I assume that men do court women in his world? How is this done?

    Not that you're going to start following their traditions or anything, but the answer to this question may hold clues about what you can do to how to make him more at ease.

    • Well you see that is the problem, the country has like SOOOO many different influences on it that there is no one tradition, and as such actually finding out any information on the entire ordeal is rather difficult!

      I am trying to get Her to give me the name of the particular religious following that the father belongs to (I know the general religion but that doesn't help much), but She has no idea, She never paid any attention to that sort of thing, heh. ...

      • Well, here's a crazy idea: Ask him. "Sir, I can see that you're uncomfortable here. What can I do make you more comfortable?" (you may want to narrow the scope of that a bit :-) Apparently he's the only one who can give you the answer.

        While you're at it, is there anything you can do to get to know each other? Take him out for [beverage/game/event/etc.]. This sounds like an old-fashioned courting situation -- it's all about the Dad.

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