Get me some properly programmed Chula nanobots for either situation.

Yes please do static compiles! I have a few old Linux games from Loki that won't work on anything higher than Linux kernel 2.2. With my XP box, I stick in even an old game and 99% of the time it'll work. I've only had problems with one game so far, and it was able to have a third party patch to get it to work.