You just made this into a gender thing. She didn't you did. You used her gender to shut down her argument, which is entirely reasonable and worth of discussion.
In other words, in what elegant little subtle line you show how discrimination, dressed up as "let's treat everyone the same" works.
If a sensitive but brilliant guy comes on your team and the culture is rough and abusive, would you tell him to man up or get out or would you consider it reasonable to maybe tone it down a bit to give him a chance to contribute? That's all she expressed. Not only that, she didn't play the victim card at all, she even promised to stand up on this issue and yell at people in person.
This whole thread just shows how incredibly alive sexism is in tech and in wider culture.
Nota bene: I agree with Linus point that the level of harshness is appropriate.