I was a software tester for the DoD and can confirm the stupidity here. (I can't really talk about the exact program but I can tell you with 100% certainty that it was mission critical.) We were contracted to run massive amounts of automated testing on the latest build of the software I was working on. Upon finding bugs, we needed to do regression testing... to decide if we would fix them in the latest build, because if they were present in previous versions we were under no obligation to do so unless specifically paid to do so.

I just want one. It's a nice quality of life increase to be able to do Computer Things with something I have in my pocket. That's it.

HAHAHAH LOOK I AM MAKING A JOKE ABOUT THEONION.COM ON THE INTERNET

Lameness filter nothing- Everyone thought about making this joke and it's redundant before anyone even makes it.