BL08N0883N's Journal: I'm on a roll! Elect me!

"Sometimes I feel like terrorists are in my backyard trying to kill my family, but when I look out the window I do not see them. Now as we all know, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there. So, my approach is to close my eyes and imagine that I'm in the middle of the action in Iraq. And even though I've never had military training in reality, I'm a freakin' Army Commando in my mind and I know what the enemy is thinking because I'm practically the God of War. So I've been camping out in my backyard, shooting at the invisible enemy beyond the fences. And occassionally I've slipped into the enemy's domain while they were away and I've stolen their phone records and checked their computer logs. I've discovered that the enemy is in fact my opponent in the candidacy for President! Shocking, I know! But as the official Army Commando of my own backyard, I legally obtained damning evidence that my opponent not only visits porn sites, but he also has something that roughly resembles a weapon of mass destruction designed in the shape of a satellite dish behind his house."

-Jeff for President!