Tell me...

What can you do when the big hand grabs you tight by the throat and the little hand gives you a kiss?

What can you do when the right hand gives you all you can eat and the left hand takes all that it can ?

It's hard to understand...
Breathe in, breathe out...

A few hours grace before the madness begins again... school in 7:15 hours....

I haven't seen her lately...
I miss her, it's unbelievable...
And be it as it may...
I hope I'll see her today...

As I'm flipping the yes-no coin I found next to my Sméagol figurine, Johny expects me to believe in his "I saw the Devil last night and we drank Jagermeister together" story. What the f*** is wrong with him? Yizzint the fizzle, nor the schizzles or the whizzles, must be the schiznit yizzal!

I'm tired!

Exams are over, and you know who I'll be hunting down next semester ;) (watch-out f00, the codermaster will get your arse ;)

I'm sick of those nightmares...
I'm sick of being alone...
I'm sick of school and all the work...
I'm sick of not being able to work on my engine...
I'm sick of not doing anything that I want...
I'm sick of expecting more from others...
I'm sick of sleeping alone...
I'm sick of waiting for something to happen...
I'm sick of being me...

I'm sick of you: ignoring me...
I'm sick of you: your stupid comments on my loneliness...
I'm sick of you: always talking in class...
I'm sick of you: always making fun of me...
I'm sick of you: always thinking I'm there to put you down...
I'm sick of you: getting better grades with less work...
I'm sick of you: saying you know what it's like when you actualy don't...
I'm sick of you: lying to my face...
I'm sick of you: always understanding it before me...
I'm sick of you: always talking about your dirty moves when you don't even have any...
I'm sick of you: complaining that it's boring when you have everything...
I'm sick of you: left me for the better life with her...
I'm sick of you: pretending you're a looser when you have potencial...
I'm sick of you: only calling me on weekends because you need help in a certain subject...
I'm sick of you: talking to me at school but keeping it anonymous when outside...
I'm sick of you: thinking you're the only one that can say and have deep thoughts...
I'm sick of you: always saying I don't belong here...
I'm sick of you: using me for grades, only for grades...

It's not fair, they all have girlfriends now.

What do I have... nothing...

Molly,

I remember the cameleon's smile like it was yesterday. Breath of milk, feet of feathers, chest of silk: you get the picture. I enjoyed her presence in every way. She was the energy that I needed to survive in the jungle. She was the 7th string. She'd run the World with her left hand while she'd hold mine with her right. Molly gave it all away (not as much as Alice, but still). She'd cast the pearls aside from the life of need and would come into my life forever.

Arms we're warm...

The heresy of love...

Why did we slip... I don't know...

Stay with me next time... it won't happen again.

As the tightrope walker creates fear in the minds of the spectators, Alice fills me up with dreams and good reasons to not let the thin rope go...

It's been a long time since I last talked to Alice. Can't blame her, I've been busy dancing with the Devil under The Sorrow Clouds for way too long. Still I remember the days when we sat under the Mercury Tree and talked from dawn to dusk like there was nothing and no one waiting for us at the end of the day. The everyday-soothing Saturnine rain (the result of filtered waterdrops through the Mercury filled leaves) gave us a good reason to keep it going on. I remember the sweet lulabies sung by The Twelve Ladies of Hope (Molly, Porcelina, Zoe, Ruby, Daphne, Lily, Sophie, Cassandra, Magdalena, Naru, Aeris and My Beautiful Mary). The Metal Opera filled my ghost with desire, enough to make the Machine resume from its lost-into-oblivion state. From twilight to starlight, my picture-perfect story would come to life just for me (and Her). In the end, desire holds the moment still (Alice once told me). I guess she was right...

Where is everybody now that I need them ? The inescapable us is not so inescapable, as I can see. I guess i'm not indestructible...

Mother, it's lonely here in the Underworld, away from the sun. Was my picture-perfect story an illusion of safety ? I guess what i'm feeling is what they call "The Influence of The Deep". Still I remember the sunny days and its everylasting gaze.

Alice, don't worry, i'll make it happen. We can then reunite as one. For now, the Cyberspace Cowboy will sit and wait. It wont be long... the chemist will bring spark to this soul of mine: my living proof. Until then, i'll be singing the sorrow.

Wait, please wait... it wont be long (I hope).

Silly Sally and Even Steven didn't show up to the rendez-vous. I guess they were too busy, working on something more important. Now, for those of you that keep asking questions, here's an easily justified proof that nowadays, people forget their dues. It really pisses me off... Besides, I think I'm not the only one who's pissed when similar situations happen. I think we all are. Are we intelligent enough to say: what can we learn from these mistakes? Actually, I think the Human being tends to do the same mistakes, all over again and finally, one day, we'll learn something out of it. So, what did we learn? I'll help you... the lesson is: don't do it again!

The Show started without them...

I met the girl again: I miss her. The thing is, I don't really know her. Fine, she's younger than me. That's probably all I know. I'll try to talk to her some more... I'm trying you know...

Mother, i'm still tired...