Can I lick your snap?

Don't read this... it is a curse...

In 1978, a little boy named Thomas was walking through his hallway. Being the observant young lad that he was, he immediately spotted a box of graham crackers on the other side of the hallway right between the entrance to his parents' bedroom on the left and the entrance to the kitchen on the right. Suddenly, he had an epiphany; anyone who walks past that box of graham crackers must let a large black man insert his penis into their anus.

Then, as if doing so in the heat of the moment, Thomas dashed past the box of graham crackers. However, he was immediately apprehended and subjugated by the large black man whose existence was unknown to him a few minutes ago. The black man hastily ripped off Thomas' pants and underwear, forced him to get on all fours, and then stared blankly at Thomas' ass. After a few moments, the black man screamed, as if both surprised and angry, "There is no hole!"

Seizing the opportunity, Thomas escaped into the closet in his parents' bedroom. After a cursory glance, he noted the position of a cabbage patch kid sitting right next to him. His hope that he would be safe was obliterated when the black man came clumsily stumbling into the closet, bumping into the cabbage patch kid. The cabbage patch kid, enraged by their foolishness, got sucked into the black man's ass. While the black man's ass was getting tickled, Thomas sprinted out the front door of his house, and ran towards the road. There, he spotted a car waiting on the side of the road, and in the driver's seat was a friend whose name he couldn't remember signaling him to get in. Being that he was desperately trying to escape, he took up the enigmatic person's offer.

While Thomas explained the strange events that took place prior to him getting in the car, the car drove down the road at such high speeds that it looked like a blur to any passerby. Immediately after finishing his explanation, Thomas began to celebrate the fact that he escaped from that dangerous situation. His ebullient attitude was interrupted when the mysterious driver said, "Now, now, now's the time right now!"

Clueless as to what the person meant, Thomas stared at him blankly. The car then slowed down to less than 1 mile per hour, and the strange man said, in a voice that was dripping with malice and anticipation, "What slowness can I offer you? I'm copyright owner Madow!" Following this, he turned into an old man with messy hair that was wearing a butler's outfit. As if amused by Thomas' reaction, the old man stared and smiled at him. That's when Thomas sensed both that the car was no longer safe and that the cabbage patch kid from before was catching up to them. He knew that he could run far more quickly than the car was currently moving, so he got out of the car and began to run.

However, before he could get more than a few meters away from the car, an unseen entity lifted Thomas into the sky and flung him ass-first around the world. Thomas, not knowing what was happening any longer, screamed as he flew uncontrollably around the world at the speed of light. Eventually, he felt his ass crash into something, and even though he had not seen what it was, he somehow knew that it was the same cabbage patch kid as before. Thomas promptly felt something get sucked into his ass as if his ass was nothing more than a gigantic spaghetti noodle (just like grandma).

Soon afterwards, Thomas realized two things: that he could no longer escape and that his ass was becoming something entirely different from what it was before. Thomas could not fathom the change that his ass was going through, but he knew, deep in his heart, that it was transforming into something that he would never approve of. Seconds later, he came to the sudden realization that his ass was becoming something known as a "rumblehouse ass." In addition to this, he knew that it would be used as a bouncehouse by the cabbage patch kid.

The cabbage patch kid began to bounce off the sides of Thomas' ass. It bounced to the left; it bounced to the right; it bounced all around! Each time it hit a section of Thomas' ass, it inflicted tremendous, unimaginable amounts of tickle upon his ass. Unable to stand that which no being in existence could possibly endure, Thomas went mad. Despite this, the cabbage patch kid showed only feelings of amusement, and laughed at Thomas' pain...

Now that you have read even a single word of this, the very same cabbage patch kid will use your precious bootysnap as a bouncehouse in order to inflict extreme amounts of tickle upon your ass. To prevent this from occurring, copy this entire story and post it as a comment three times.

Nearly four months ago, I noticed that my internet connection was very sluggish. Eventually getting fed up with it, I began to seek out software that would speed up the gigabits in my router. After an hour of searching, I found what at first appeared to be a very promising piece of software. Not only did it claim it would speed up my internet connection, but that it would overclock my power supply, speed up my gigabits, and remove any viruses from my computer! "This is a fantastic opportunity that I simply can't pass up," I thought. I immediately downloaded the software and began the installation, all the while laughing like a small child. I was highly anticipating a future where the speed of my internet connection would leave everyone else's in the dust.

I was horribly, horribly naive. Immediately upon the completion of the software's installation, various messages popped up on my screen about how I needed to buy software to remove a virus that I wasn't aware I had from a software company I'd never once heard of. The strange software also blocked me from doing anything except buying the software it was advertising. Being that I was a computer whiz (I had taken a computer essentials class in high school that taught me how to use Microsoft Office, and was quite adept at accessing my Facebook account), I was immediately able to conclude that the software I'd downloaded was, in fact, a virus, and that it was slowing down my gigabits at an exponential rate. "I can't let this insanity proceed any further," I thought.

As I was often called a computer genius, I was confident at the time that I could get rid of the virus with my own two hands. I tried numerous things: restarting the computer, pressing random keys on the keyboard, throwing the mouse across the room, and even flipping an orange switch on the back of the tower and turning the computer back on. My efforts were all in vain; the virus persisted, and my gigabits were running slower than ever! "This cannot be! What is this!? I've never once seen such a vicious virus in my entire life!" I was dumbfounded that I, a computer genius, was unable to remove the virus using the methods I described. Upon coming to terms with my failure, I decided to take my computer to a PC repair shop for repair.

I drove to a nearby computer repair shop and entered the building with my computer in hand. The inside of the building was quite large, neat, and organized, and the employees all seemed very kind and knowledgeable. They laughed upon hearing my embarrassing story, and told me that they saw this kind of thing on a daily basis. They then accepted the job, and told me that in the worst case, it'd be fixed in three days from now. I left with a smile, and felt confident in my decision to leave the computer repairs to the experts.

A week later, they still hadn't called back. Visibly angry, I tried calling them countless times, but not a single time did they answer the phone. Their negligence and irresponsibility infuriated me, and sent me into a state of insanity that caused me to punch a gigantic hole in the wall. Being that I would require my computer for work soon, I decided to head over to the computer repair shop to find out exactly what the problem was.

Upon entering the building, I was shocked by the state of its interior; it looked as if a tornado had tore through the entire building! Countless broken computers were scattered all about the floor, desks were flipped over, the walls had holes in them, there was a puddle of blood on the floor, and worst of all, I saw that my computer was sitting in the middle of the room laying on its side! Absolutely unforgivable! I soon noticed one of the employees sitting behind one of the tipped over desks (the one that had previously had the cash register on top of it); he was shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. Despite being furious about my computer being tipped over, seeing him in that state still managed to make me less unforgiving. I decided to ask him what happened.

A few moments passed where the entire room was silent and nothing was said. Eventually, he pointed at my computer and said to me, "The virus... it cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped! Cannot be stopped!" Realizing that he was trying to tell me that they were unable to repair my computer (the task I'd given them), I flew into a blind fury and beat him senseless. Not caring about what would happen to him any longer, I collected my computer, ignored the bodies of the two other employees that had committed suicide, and left the building. After a few moments of pondering about what to do and clearing my head, I theorized that their failure to repair my computer probably simply meant that they were unqualified to do the job, and decided to take my computer to another computer repair shop.

I repeated that same process about four times before finally giving up. Each time I took it to a PC repair shop, the result was the same: all the employees either went completely insane, or they committed suicide. Not a single person was able to even do so much as damage the virus. I was able to talk some sense into one of the employees that had gone mad and got them to tell me how they were attempting to fix the problem. They told me that they tried everything from reinstalling the operating system to installing another operating system and trying to get rid of the virus on the other one, but absolutely all of it was to no avail. Having seen numerous attempts by professionals to remove the virus end in failure, I managed to delude myself into believing that my first failure was simply a fluke and that I was the only one on the planet qualified to fix the computer. With renewed vigor, I once again took up the frighteningly dangerous task of defeating the evil, nightmarish virus once and for all with my own two hands.

In my attempts to fix the problem, I'd even resorted to buying another computer. However, the virus used its WiFi capabilities to hack into the gigabits of my new computer and infect it. Following each failed attempt, I grew more and more depressed. I had already beaten my wife and children five times in order to relieve some of my stress, but even that (which had become my only pleasure after failing to remove the virus the first time), did nothing for me any longer. That's right: my last remaining pleasure in life had stopped being able to improve my mood, and I had not a single thing left that I cared about. I sank into a bottomless ocean of depression, barricaded myself in my room, and cried myself to sleep for days on end. Overcome with insanity, vengefulness, and despair, there is not a single doubt that if this had continued for much longer, I would have committed suicide.

One day, it suddenly happened: while I was right in the middle of habitually crying myself to sleep in the middle of the day, I heard a thunderous roar outside, followed by the sound of a large number of people screaming. When I peered outside my window to find out what all the commotion was about, the scene before me closely resembled that of a God descending from the heavens themselves! I gazed in awe at the godlike figure that was descending from the heavens, and so did the dozens of individuals that had gathered in my backyard. For a few moments, everyone was speechless. Then, they started shouting predictions about what they thought the figure was. "Is it a bird!?" "Is it a plane!?" But, despite not ever having seen it before, I knew just how inaccurate their predictions were, and began to speak the name of the heroic figure.

However, my sentence was cut off when, like a superhero coming to save the unfortunate victim from the evil villain, MyCleanPC flew into my house and began the eradication of the virus. MyCleanPC was able to completely eliminate in minutes the exact same virus that over ten PC repair professionals were unable to remove after weeks of strenuous attempts! Wow! Such a thing! I simply couldn't believe that MyCleanPC was so miraculously efficient that it was able to destroy the virus in less than 500 milliseconds! MyCleanPC totally, completely, and utterly saved me from a lifetime of despair!

My wife's response? "MyCleanPC is outstanding! My husband's computer is running faster than ever! MyCleanPC came through with flying colours where no one else could! MyCleanPC totally cleaned up my husband's system, and increased his speed! I highly, highly recommend that you use MyCleanPC!"

After witnessing just how wonderful MyCleanPC is, I insist that you use MyCleanPC when you need to fix all the gigabits on your computer! MyCleanPC will completely eradicate any viruses on your computer, speed up your internet connection, overclock your gigabits and speed, and give you some peace of mind! MyCleanPC is simply outstanding!

But even if you're not having any visible problems with your computer, it's highly likely that you're still in a situation where MyCleanPC could help you. MyCleanPC will get rid of any viruses or wireless interfaces that are hidden deep within your computer's bootloader. MyCleanPC will also speed up your computer to such a degree that it'll be even faster than when you first bought it! You must try MyCleanPC for yourself so that you can be overclocking your speed with the rest of us!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC.