Where is this free Linux cloud service where I can stand up entire enterprise architectures and applications securely
You can stop your rant right there. If you want security and to be sure your data and operations will continue predictably, don't use a cloud service at all. Why does it make sense to entrust your crown jewels to a bunch of complete strangers, who use computers you know nothing about in a place that you don't even necessarily know, if you can't run them yourself? Besides, as you know full well, it is FOSS software that is (mostly) free of charge. No one has ever pretended that the necessary hardware and services came free - to do so would be ridiculous. But if you really want to run your software on someone else's equipment, why not go to AWS? Then you'll be using tried and tested FOSS, professionally operated for you. (Although I would never entrust really vital data to any remote service; basic risk analysis will show you why).
25 years ago I was warning people about the perils of what has come to be known as "hacking", and most of them were completely unaware and unprepared. I told them that the problem had barely even started yet, and wouldn't until serious professional criminals and state actors became aware of the potential and began to exploit it.
That would be about now, and those who entrust their IT to "the cloud" are simply meeting the black hats half way. They may very well get away with for a long time - just as people get away with leaving their houses unlocked, their windows open, and their cars unlocked with the keys in. But it isn't smart.