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Journal Allen Zadr's Journal: Super Short Writing Exercise - for Shadow Wrought 4

Assigned by Shadow Wrought, it may be too long - but it's only 12 sentances, so... here goes.

Not Here

The planet was not happy. A forign object had perched upon it's brow. A spacecraft, parasite, refugee from another world had landed on it's brow. Worse, it smelled funny.

The mining vessel landed upon the alien surface. Early reports showed a high probability of platinum deposits along this ridge. They did not know that they had not been the first to attempt to mine this world, nor did they realize that this ridge was the head of a volcano. After they unloaded their equipment, and ate a meal on the planets surface - a good days work, the crew settled down for their first night of rest. They never noticed the subtle rumbling of the planet's discontent.

Like an overheating boiler with a jammed release valve, the anger of the planet that grew through the night, spewed forth. The last security photograph sent from the mining craft showed no sign of the chaos that would consume it. Like a featherweight boxer in a heavyweight match - the mining craft was crushed, and encrusted in a new layer of the planet. The only remains was an onion slice that had been stolen away to an underground nest by a native creature the day before.

This discussion was created by Allen Zadr (767458) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Super Short Writing Exercise - for Shadow Wrought

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  • I think you have a real talent for meter. It would not take much to turn it into an epic poem, or other style of poetry. Good job!
    • I was afraid of turning "Jam" into "Jammed" as it wasn't exclusively allowed in your ruleset. However, for the purpose of continuity, I didn't want to risk changing the feel of the passage by awkwardly jumping around the word.
    • Oh, and I haven't attempted any poetry since I was 19. Although, when I was 15, I got a "best newcomer" vote at a poetry group (which I stopped attending after three short months).

The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique! -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics

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