You seem to be describing a class of problems known as "embarrassingly parallel", as in "I'm embarrassed when I can't solve this problem in parallel." There are other parallel problems that are more difficult and that require actual brainpower to solve. Perhaps you just haven't run up against one.
And in the U.S., there's a 100% chance that your government is currently a fascist monster that slaughters hundreds of thousands of innocent people. And the work life balance sucks.
I recently had this problem and solved it with finddupe (http://www.sentex.net/~mwandel/finddupe/). It's a free command line tool. It can create hardlinks, you can tell it which is a master directory to keep and which directories to delete, and it can create a batch file to do actually do the deletion if you don't trust it or just want to see what it will do. Highly recommend. In any case, 5 TB is going to take forever but with finddupe you can be sure your time is not wasted, unlike one of the free tools that analyzed my drive for 12 hours and then told me it would only fix ten duplicates.
I tried this vs. Clone Spy, Fast Duplicate File Finder, Easy Duplicate File Finder, and the GPL Duplicate Files Finder (crashy). (Side note: Get some creativity guys). There's no UI but I don't care. It doesn't keep any state between runs so run it a few times on subdirectories to make sure you know what it's doing first then let it rip.
It's more steampunk fantasy but it is both easily approachable for children and fun for adults. Hard scifi is harder to get into; at least for myself I was a lot more interested in fantasy at that age and moved on to scifi later. A Wrinkle in Time has been mentioned, and it's a fun read.
Ridiculous. The difference in size is 0.05ml. That's about 7mAh extra on top of a 1400-1500mAh average battery.
They won't require it. They'll just threaten to withhold interstate funding from any state that refuses to comply.
You know...at what point are the people and the states going to get pissed off and put a STOP to us giving so much $$ to the Feds only to allow them to used it to blackmail us?
You go first.
Admit it, you love to say it. That's why you just did.
/* Halley */ (Halley's comment.)