You may jest, but I was still on dial-up up until 6 years ago when I left the state. I tried getting DSL in the early 2k's but after going back and forth with a couple ISPs they determined the lines going down my street were too ancient to support it. They were willing to run a new line to my house for an outrageous fee. There was not even a cable TV line on the street, we had to get satellite. I lived 20 miles from downtown St. Louis.
I live in St. Petersburg, FL now, I have an 768kbps DSL line. Just last month I tried upgrading to a 3mbps connection but again the same thing, went back and forth with a couple ISPs and they determined I was too far from the office for a stable connection at that speed.
I'd love to know how all these people seem to be getting zippingly fast internet, all my dealings with ISPs wherever I live end up with me getting lowest possible speed.