> Or is it *both* Impossible and not Impossible?

Well, yes and no...

> Almost all verbs in English are irregular

They're really not, though. There are thousands of regular verbs in English, and only around 300 irregular ones--and even some of those are slowly regularizing. For instance, the past tense of "help" was "holp" around 400 years ago.

> Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just
> like... like... you know, like, you know what I mean, like...

-1, being a dick
-1, excaping from jail
-1, fucking up lots of shit

I suspected a "whoosh" situation, but I couldn't resist the chance to rip on Looney at (moderate) length. He's fairly recent, too--he published his book in 1920 or so.

> Shakespeare? Isn't he the guy that invented the ball-point pen?

No, he's the guy who invented fishing tackle.

> No it's not. It's... it's... it's... Christopher Marlowe!
>
> Even 400 years later, the loony theories abound.

More than you know. One of the original "Shakespeare didn't write Shakespeare" proponents was the unfortunately-named J. Thomas Looney*, who said Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford, wrote everything, despite the inconvenient fact that de Vere died about nine years before Shakespeare's last recorded play was written.

*Apparently pronounced "loney", but still... Apparently Looney's publisher asked him to use a pseudonym, but he refused.

> I want them to arrange me in a formation with other old people and
> make us all make beautiful coincidental sounds that could be construed as music.

Might I suggest Bach's "Get Off My Lawn and Fugue in D Minor"?

> In the language Dogg, the word 'git' means 'sir'. So one would politely ask a stranger: 'Cretinous pig-faced, git?', meaning 'Have you got the time please, sir?'

Afternoon, squire.*

Full disclosure: I once played the Inspector in a production of Dogg's Hamlet, Cahoot's Macbeth. It was some of the most fun I've ever had on stage, despite wearing a full-length trenchcoat under stage lights in the middle of June. I got to be menacing and smarmy and supercilious without any consequences. It was like being a BOFH in leather.

*"Get stuffed, you bastard."

> does he want a job as a communications minister? seems Australia needs a competent one.

It'd be a pretty easy job, wouldn't it? From what I understand, most communications in Australia are variations on "Oh sweet Jesus, there's a spider the size of a dinner plate on my leg, but at least it's killing the poisonous octopus that's eating the incredibly toxic jellyfish that was stinging me to death".

> Is it just me, or do annual "holidays" like this seem completely arbitrary?
> If the Earth was X kilometers closer to or further from the Sun, our concept of a
> year would be Y days shorter or longer.

So when you gain the ability to move the earth X kilometers closer to or further from the sun, we'll argue about it all then.

Until such time, go be pedantic and literal and "Ooh, look at me, I'm above it all" somewhere else and let the rest of us have our drunken revelry to celebrate the fact that 2008 is, thank the sweet zombie Jesus, over already.

Alternately:

It looks like somebody...

(sunglasses)
 
...rocked their world.

(exit)
Yeaaaaaaah!