I'd prefer to be greeted by being given a hundred dollar bill. I'm not going to expect or demand that it happen.
You know which one I prefer? FUCK YOU, that's the one I prefer.
Merry fucking fuck you and happy fuck off.
Christmas is beyond a travesty now. It's the fucking Gargantua and Pantagruel of holidays—a grotesquerie of selfishness, self-indulgence and fatuous self-congratulatory solemnity that purports to celebrate the most meaningless of moments. Okay, so Christ was a great guy. And he was born, just like every other living creature on the face of this globe, barring the parthenogenesis crowd. Big fucking deal. You want to celebrate something? Celebrate his caring. Celebrate his admonition to seek transcendence by discarding the material things of this world, to leave everything behind and to fucking love one another.
Instead we have this bizarre, distorted twisted mythos of some guy who was too fucking holy to be born because some guy stuck his dick in it. No sir, that could never have happened, because that would be dirty, and the Lord, oh the LORD is so pure. So let's celebrate his pristinity through conspicuous consumption; let's celebrate our unity by driving home to every homeless person, every reject and everyone unloved man, woman and child just how fucking unloved they really are.
Let's celebrate his compassion and caring by making an entire fucking season in which we're forced to confront the despair and the hollowness of our meaningless, pointless existence unless we accept that Mary went spunkless and her boy lives in the sky.
Let's remind every thinking, intelligent person who ever gave it even a moment's passing thought that a massive portion of this species simply cannot allow you to remain aloof of this collective pathology, and if you reject it, or even question it momentarily, you're somehow waging war on society.
So fuck all of you. Fuck you and fuck your elves and fuck your Ho-ho-horrible hyprocrisy and everything it represents.
And next time, mom, don't make me wear this stupid sweater. Just get me an XBox like I asked.
Fuck all of you.