U.N. Decides to Shut Down Internet Permanently 105

Posted by CmdrTaco on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:00PM from the we-were-sick-of-it-anyway dept.

Ant writes "This story says the United Nations General Assembly voted 165 to 6 with one abstention to shut down the Internet. The reason given was that the rapid and uncontrolled flow of information was destabilizing the governments of many of the member states. Furthermore, the Internet has increasingly become a vehicle for fraud and scams. Finally, the Internet produced the infamous "DOT COM" debacle which had disastrous repercussions for the World economy."

U.N. Decides to Shut Down Internet Permanently

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The real reason they're shutting it down (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:01PM (#12116170)

They read Slashdot today, and I must say I support them.

- This is a very good thing. (Score:1)
  
  by ABaumann ( 748617 ) writes:
  
  Well, there goes AOL and Internet explorer. Along with it go crappy pay to view websites like the New York Times and Gamespot. The internet will go totally underground, so it'll be even easier to find Warez and dog-on-pig porn. Free at last!
- Re:The real reason they're shutting it down (Score:3, Funny)
  
  by mindriot ( 96208 ) writes:
  
  Heh... I'm just waiting for all the LAST POST trolls now...
Right... (Score:2, Funny)

by The Spoony ( 872670 ) writes:

Hehe, yeah, good one. APRIL FO
First po (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes:

NO CARRIER
Good (Score:5, Insightful)

by darth_MALL ( 657218 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:01PM (#12116177)

that means no more stupid April Fool stories.

- Hang On (Score:3, Funny)
  
  by T-Kir ( 597145 ) writes:
  
  Maybe the next story will be /. announcing that there'll be no more dupes :-D
  - Re: (Score:1)
    
    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) writes:
    
    Comment removed based on user account deletion
  - Re:Hang On (Score:3, Funny)
    
    by Frizzle Fry ( 149026 ) writes:
    
    Maybe the next story will be /. announcing that there'll be no more dupes
    
    Actually, that will be the next three stories.
- Re:Good (Score:2)
  
  by TheWanderingHermit ( 513872 ) writes:
  
  No, it means Taco will have to work for a living now.
April Fool! (Score:1)

by killdashnine ( 651759 ) writes:

Nice try ...
- Re:April Fool! (Score:3)
  
  by Surye ( 580125 ) writes:
  
  Really? Was it?
  - Re:April Fool! (Score:1)
    
    by baadger ( 764884 ) writes:
    
    'fraid not.
last post! (Score:2, Funny)

by krudler ( 836743 ) writes:

Last post ever! The internet is dying! Netcraft confirms it! UN is to destroy the intarweb!
- Re:last post! (Score:1)
  
  by Rylz ( 868268 ) writes:
  
  Don't worry, it's ok! Notice they used "internet" in the singular, not plural, form! As our dear president would have you know, Slashdot is quite safe, as it has an internet of its own!
April *fool* (Score:5, Insightful)

by Nermal6693 ( 622898 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:02PM (#12116181)

You know, an April Fool is actually supposed to fool someone. Nobody could be stupid enough to be fooled by this!

- Re:April *fool* (Score:1)
  
  by Seigen ( 848087 ) writes:
  
  You have a point. I've seen nigerian scam emails that were much more convincing.
- Re:April *fool* (Score:1)
  
  by the_sidewinder ( 850641 ) writes:
  
  Or when there have been no believable stories today
  - Re:April *fool* (Score:1)
    
    by the_sidewinder ( 850641 ) writes:
    
    This is still one of the better stories today, though
- Re:April *fool* (Score:3, Interesting)
  
  by InfiniteWisdom ( 530090 ) writes:
  
  Never EVER underestimate fools. For example this guy [slashdot.org] probably was worried sick that his beloeved Internet connection is going to be yanked away from him and eventually figured it out and rushed to tell everyone else about it!
  - Re:April *fool* (Score:2)
    
    by pudge ( 3605 ) * writes:
    
    Yes, some people will be fooled by it. But it's still the dumbest April Fool's joke I've seen in a long time. First, because many nations base their economy largely on the Internet, like, oh, India and the U.S. And even if you are so far left you think the U.S. wants to stifle all free speech ... since when has the current U.S. administration been seriously hurt by the Internet? They follow MS' lead, embrace and extend.
    
    And worst of all, the UN has no authority to get rid of the Internet. None. The vo
    - Re:April *fool* (Score:1)
      
      by InfiniteWisdom ( 530090 ) writes:
      
      What the HELL are you rambling on about? That's got to be a new record for the most incoherent message ever.
      - Re:April *fool* (Score:2)
        
        by pudge ( 3605 ) * writes:
        
        You don't know what I am replying to? If you forget, you can try that little "Parent" link like a good little user.
first person with the honor to bestow this one (Score:3, Insightful)

by u-238 ( 515248 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:02PM (#12116182) Homepage

as another addition to the tally of shitty half assed /. April fools.

- Re:first person with the honor to bestow this one (Score:1, Insightful)
  
  by Anonymous Coward writes:
  
  An another to the useless bitching and whinging about it.
Hmm... (Score:3, Funny)

by FlyByPC ( 841016 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:02PM (#12116186) Homepage

That'll put a damper on the whole Yahoo/Google merger thing!

Yes.. (Score:3, Funny)

by Kaisum ( 850834 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:02PM (#12116187)

I can see it now.. "Hello, tech support? My internet is down"

s/*//g (Score:2, Funny)

by UnixRawks ( 705739 ) writes:

Where is the GNAA when you need them???
- Re:s/*//g (Score:2)
  
  by m50d ( 797211 ) writes:
  
  Reading a few stories ahead it seems your wish has been granted
Oh pleeeeease. (Score:1)

by MojoMagic ( 669271 ) writes:

Oh pleeeeease. Now you're not even trying. :)
Shutting down the net (Score:1)

by msgregory@earthlink. ( 98641 ) writes:

That sucks.
late (Score:1)

by Dr.Roo ( 810662 ) writes:

Gah! you are late!
Hooray! (Score:1)

by cplusplus ( 782679 ) writes:

It's gotta be April 2nd somewhere on Earth! The jokes can stop now! YAY!
It would be just my luck that this isn't a joke. I didn't bother to RTFA... in fact, I haven't bothered all day.
Fuck you, Slashdot (Score:2, Insightful)

by Anonymous Coward writes:

It's not even April 1st anymore in this part of the world, and it's well past noon everywhere else.

And: It's not funny.
April Foooools! (Score:1)

by datafr0g ( 831498 ) writes:

But as it's the 2nd of April where I am I guess I'm safe.
Six against? (Score:1)

by AndroidCat ( 229562 ) writes:

One of those must have been Nigeria: much of their economy depends on access. Who were the other five?
Yet another one (Score:1)

by chord.wav ( 599850 ) writes:

Wow, how funny.
Yes we have noticed (Score:1)

by Tribbin ( 565963 ) writes:

The reason given was that the rapid and uncontrolled flow of information was destabilizing the governments of many of the member states. Furthermore, the Internet has increasingly become a vehicle for fraud and scams.

Yes we have noticed.
God I hate slashdot an April fools .... (Score:3, Insightful)

by gstoddart ( 321705 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:03PM (#12116227) Homepage

After a while these inane stories get really annoying.

- Re:God I hate slashdot an April fools .... (Score:2)
  
  by standsolid ( 619377 ) writes:
  
  Yeah, tell me about it.
  
  It seems all I read all day are Slashidiots commenting on how tired they are of Slashdot's April Fool's Stories.
yay! (Score:2)

by Turn-X Alphonse ( 789240 ) writes:

YAY! Finally a cure for slashdotting!
Well all I have to say is.. (Score:2)

by _PimpDaddy7_ ( 415866 ) writes:

HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
Ha HaHa
HaHaHa
Ain't April Fool's Day grand? LOL :)
pissing me off (Score:2)

by alatesystems ( 51331 ) writes:

I don't mind a few April Fool's jokes, but an entire day of BS posted to the front page sucks. They should tag them or something so I can filter them out. It shows up in my rss aggregator and everything too.

Please stop posting all these stupid stories in between the real stories.
Shitty Stories Preview (Score:2)

by nacturation ( 646836 ) writes:

Developers: Idle Loop Optimized
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the more-efficient-use-of-clock-time dept.
seebs writes "Every so often someone makes a joke about optimizing the idle loop, but this article actually does it [ibm.com]. " It's about time too- that process has been eating up clock cycles for to long.

Science: Positive Proof of Water on Mars
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the now-we-can-put-that-one-to-rest dept.
pauliecronopolis was one of many people that noted that the po
Last post out before the end of the internet (Score:1)

by whitehatlurker ( 867714 ) writes:

Well, unless of course someone else does another one.
Why can't they outlaw April Fool's things on the internet? I rather enjoyed the RFC's in the old days (Pigeons [faqs.org] HAH!) and the new Klingon [startrek.com] thing, but it's really getting tired.
Looking forward to tomorrow ...
slashdot first started (Score:1)

by killerface ( 573659 ) writes:

this is like when slashdot first started 39 comments
quit the bullshit (Score:1)

by burntash ( 775366 ) writes:

so much for posting "stuff that matters" ay /. ?
Last Two Guys (Score:3, Funny)

by Mega_doof ( 76043 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:06PM (#12116287)

Last two guys on the internet:

Guy 1: OK, you hang up now.
Guy 2: No, YOU hang up. Then I'll hang up.
Guy 1: No, you...

- I take it that... (Score:1)
  
  by game kid ( 805301 ) writes:
  
  ...their names are Ace and Gary [google.com] then?
Does anyone listen to the UN anymore? (Score:2)

by bs_02_06_02 ( 670476 ) writes:

I've seen better April Fools Day pranks than this one.
Besides, if this were true, would it matter what the UN said or did?

Actually, it would probably be a good thing, I wouldn't get so much SPAM from China. I'd sure like to filter the entire country of China from sending me anything.
wtf? whats wrong with the editors. (Score:1)

by dotslasher_sri ( 762515 ) writes:

Really.. one or two stories is nice..but every other story an april fools joke? allright ....allright we get it ..its april 1st.. now please post regualar stories. no not the dupes!
Eh. (Score:1)

by masterhiggins ( 752952 ) writes:

Don't worry, guys. With the current success rate of the UN being what it is, I wouldn't be too terribly concerned even if this were actually true. ;)
The Day Slashdot Turned Into The Daily Sport (Score:1)

by ettlz ( 639203 ) writes:

I, for one, welcome our new joke-killing overlords.

It's on a day like this that if someone were to set us up the bomb, I doubt any of the editors would notice. They would instead continue to report on how V14gr.a spam might too make you blind, that technical typesetters have a tendency towards LaTeX fetishes, and that some clever sod at U.S. Navy research has bodged together a covert surveillance device by attaching a camera to an iPod, and called it an iEye.
Back in the day (Score:2)

by autocracy ( 192714 ) writes:

I remember reading Slashdot at a point in time when april fool's stories were mixed in with real stories, and you couldn't really tell -- and it was good.
I can kind of see this happening if George Orwell won a bet with God, but that's about it. Try harder next year.. PLEASE!
Heston Said it Best (Score:3, Funny)

by Spudnuts ( 21990 ) writes: on Friday April 01, 2005 @06:11PM (#12116359)

They can have it when they take it out of my cold dead hands.

- Re:Heston Said it Best (Score:2)
  
  by sepluv ( 641107 ) writes:
  
  You have the whole Internet in your hands? That's impressive.
Re: (Score:1)

by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) writes:

Comment removed based on user account deletion
Shut down the Internet? (Score:1)

by MisterE ( 147118 ) writes:

Nah, too easy!!
My son put tape on the faucet and drenched me this morning. I put crisco on the door knob for his room. When he got home his sister asked him for something from his room. Now _THAT_ is April Fools!
Surprise!
April fools are supposed to be concealed (Score:2, Insightful)

by AceJohnny ( 253840 ) writes:

Back in the old days, on April Fools day, most people forgot. And pranks were low-profile. You had to be careful to spot it.
In school we had a sysadmin who'd send a prank e-mail to everyone. Same style as the usual informative mail he'd send from time to time. Everytime it was a subtle thing, often a follow-up of another affair or story going on, which made the mail seem more natural. And that prank was alone and enough.
Back in the old days, Slashdot did one or two prank stories in the day. The rest was cle
And what... (Score:2, Informative)

by JAppi ( 853260 ) writes:

was wrong with This? [turnofftheinternet.com]
Easy way to get slashdotted (Score:1)

by Lemmingue ( 788112 ) writes:

- wait until april 1st
- write a stupid story, anywhere
- submit the link with a stupid description to /.
Great pastime game.. (Score:1)

by Bl4ckM4gic ( 836170 ) writes:

Look out your window and count the nerds jumping from their windows. We've got 3 here so f.. no, 4 now!
Kojo (Score:1)

by m0rphm0nkey ( 616729 ) writes:

I wouldn't worry about it guys, apparently Kojo Anan has been put in charge of the shutdown and the EFF has made a deal to cut him a monthly check for the next few years "not to compete [littlegreenfootballs.com]" with the internet. So...keep up those donations [eff.org]!

m
Doesn't bother me (Score:1)

by Zapper ( 68283 ) writes:

I've should have completed my own personal cache of all internet content before they pull the plug.
back to bbs (Score:1)

by blacklungfever ( 851512 ) writes:

anyone who has dumped their oldschool us robotics, go find one and then... atz atdt 7574368
Yea, right (Score:1)

by Triont ( 863066 ) writes:

Shut down the internet....Hmm I'm guessing only a genius like Bush would think that so people would have to drive for information and supply his friends at the oil companies with more money (and im not an idiot i know this is april fools day, I just wanted an excuse to say something :P )
Reply from G Bush... (Score:2)

by SmurfButcher Bob ( 313810 ) writes:

"Damn, I was just getting ready to invade it!"
I actually sort of like this one... (Score:1)

by Brianwa ( 692565 ) writes:

The story is obviously fake along with the rest today, but this one asks a good "what if" question.

Seriously, what would we do if one day we found out that the Internet had in some way been taken down or make illegal?

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The real reason they're shutting it down (Score:5, Funny)

This is a very good thing. (Score:1)

Re:The real reason they're shutting it down (Score:3, Funny)

Right... (Score:2, Funny)

First po (Score:1, Funny)

Good (Score:5, Insightful)

Hang On (Score:3, Funny)

Re: (Score:1)

Re:Hang On (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Good (Score:2)

April Fool! (Score:1)

Re:April Fool! (Score:3)

Re:April Fool! (Score:1)

last post! (Score:2, Funny)

Re:last post! (Score:1)

April *fool* (Score:5, Insightful)

Re:April *fool* (Score:1)

Re:April *fool* (Score:1)

Re:April *fool* (Score:1)

Re:April *fool* (Score:3, Interesting)

Re:April *fool* (Score:2)

Re:April *fool* (Score:1)

Re:April *fool* (Score:2)

first person with the honor to bestow this one (Score:3, Insightful)

Re:first person with the honor to bestow this one (Score:1, Insightful)

Hmm... (Score:3, Funny)

Yes.. (Score:3, Funny)

s/*//g (Score:2, Funny)

Re:s/*//g (Score:2)

Oh pleeeeease. (Score:1)

Shutting down the net (Score:1)

late (Score:1)

Hooray! (Score:1)

Fuck you, Slashdot (Score:2, Insightful)

April Foooools! (Score:1)

Six against? (Score:1)

Yet another one (Score:1)

Yes we have noticed (Score:1)

God I hate slashdot an April fools .... (Score:3, Insightful)

Re:God I hate slashdot an April fools .... (Score:2)

yay! (Score:2)

Well all I have to say is.. (Score:2)

pissing me off (Score:2)

Shitty Stories Preview (Score:2)

Last post out before the end of the internet (Score:1)

slashdot first started (Score:1)

quit the bullshit (Score:1)

Last Two Guys (Score:3, Funny)

I take it that... (Score:1)

Does anyone listen to the UN anymore? (Score:2)

wtf? whats wrong with the editors. (Score:1)

Eh. (Score:1)

The Day Slashdot Turned Into The Daily Sport (Score:1)

Back in the day (Score:2)

Heston Said it Best (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Heston Said it Best (Score:2)

Re: (Score:1)

Shut down the Internet? (Score:1)

April fools are supposed to be concealed (Score:2, Insightful)

And what... (Score:2, Informative)

Easy way to get slashdotted (Score:1)

Great pastime game.. (Score:1)

Kojo (Score:1)

Doesn't bother me (Score:1)

back to bbs (Score:1)

Yea, right (Score:1)

Reply from G Bush... (Score:2)

I actually sort of like this one... (Score:1)

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April fool (Score:5, Insightful)

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