things just kinda suck. I have no clue why she keeps talking to me despite the proclaimed love for her, and her unacceptance of it. Despite the comments, despite the jealousy. Yet she still is there, she still wants to do things with me. Doesn't she know it's killing me? There are only two solutions, either I find someone else ( not likely any time soon ), or we not do stuff together. Out of sight, out of mind.
It seems that most people would have choosen to go away at this point, to drop the weirdness. I don't understand it. It doesn't mean she secretly wants me, she's said it wouldn't work. yet I proclaim my love on accident again and it doesn't seem to really change anything. Isn't that messed up somehow?
Or maybe it's worse that I know all this, I know the solution, yet am unable to actually go through with it. How do you cut someone out of your life when it's because of your own weakness? How can i simply ignore all the signs that this isn't good for me in some completely foolish blind hope or desire??? it makes no fucking sense, and yet I love the time we're together, but inevitably dread the time apart, because that just starts the problems all over again.