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Journal freejung's Journal: This is for the Mad Poster 27

Journal by freejung
Hey Mad Poster, I just had to post this because it reminded me of you so much. I have no idea who wrote it, it was forwarded to me by a friend with no byline. It's very much in the spirit of Fuck the South, which also reminded me of you (you didn't write that one, did you?)

Anyway, for your amusement and enjoyment, I post this:

The Concession Speech Kerry Should Have Given

My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the true majority of people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the shorter school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio...well, that was just genius. Genius! It got people, a certain kind of fearful people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people actually changed history. These are the folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy! Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that.

I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich, old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck! Seriously, you do!

There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it on!" As long as you can wave your high-powered guns and think you're actually free, you're pretty brave.

More than 50% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that. The President played on your fears, and you foolishly forgot that he was the one in charge when 9/11 actually happened. It was on his watch that al Qaeda struck, and not Saddam Hussein. I wonder if he told you that left-handed people were worshipers of the devil, if you'd actually believe that, too. Probably! How quickly history becomes distorted by those who shout their version the loudest.

Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us...we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your "high moral values". You thought you knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no! Not when it's got a human shield of us pointy-headed, immoral, unconfrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have.

Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult ours. And the big joke here is that for twenty years, we've done just that. It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.

And, I make this pledge to you today: In the next election, there will be no pandering. Next time we will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't! You've proved that by your foolish voting record. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially-duped grade school grads.

Thank you, and may God, and we always said He exists, bless each and every one of you and the rest of the world, even our enemies, in spite of your stupidity and hatred for the rest of His creation, which you're intent on letting Bush and his bully boys destroy.

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This is for the Mad Poster More

This is for the Mad Poster

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  • one of our former allies don't nuke us before the fool leaves office.

    Great speech, thanks for sharing.

    • Re:God I hope (Score:2, Interesting)

      by the_mad_poster ( 640772 ) *

      Maybe John Titor [johntitor.com] was for real... he claimed that Russia would launch a nuclear strike against the U.S. following years of civil war in the states.

      Well, country's divided like it hasn't been in an awful long time and Russia is taking a frighteningly hard line, cracking down on things a la the old communist bloc.

    • Hadn't you heard? It's going to be the Soviet Union [johntitor.com]. Of course it'll be a few years after the current fool leaves office, but it all gets underway on his watch.
  • We represented the same portion of the total electorate as we did in 2000, it is true. However, the entire electorate was significantly larger. Admittedly, this was a disapointment - we had hoped for stratospheric turnout among young people - but still, it wasn't bad.

  • ... you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially-duped grade school grads.

    But this is Bush's target audience. As they say in broadcasting, "you'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public".

    The funny/sad thing is, those who this jibe are directed at are so stupid they won't be able top parse it correctly, and will think it's a compliment.

    Just like they thought Bush was promising "4 more beers".

    Electora

  • Both texts... hilarious.

    Of course I don't know enough about the US in order to judge them on their truth-content. :-) I'll just rate them on humouristic content :-)

  • I am personally glad that the left in America and the Democratic Party have stopped pretending they love America and/or Americans. Now that we have reached this milestone, the conversation can potentially move ahead. Thank you!
    • Hmmmm. Well, if you actually bother to read it, you'll find that it's not talking about "America" or "Americans." It's talking about a particular subset of America and Americans. In case you hadn't noticed, the left in America are Americans too. You are clinging to the silly and obnoxious idea that conservatives are the only "real Americans," and all the rest of us are really French in disguise or something. Part of the whole point is that the left, which you so revile, is actually in many ways more America
      • You're a riot!
        • "The riot is the rhyme of the unheard." -- Rage Against the Machine
        • ...and an old timey been there and done that Barry Goldwater brand pro USA real honest to God conservative, and let me say, I whole heartedly agree with freejungs attitude now. The Bush regime is the slimiest, lyingest, most filthy, hypocritical non-conservative group of freeking bastids I have ever seen. They make the Nixon crew look like Guardian Angels. The Republican party is now the party of transnational globalism and corporate fascism. They have no idea what the word "conserve" means, nor do they hav
          • ...this R regime is insane, bonkers, a threat and a buncha millionaire elitist technofeudalistic corporate fascists and are going to get this nation nuked or worse, and completely destroy the economy of the middle class on the way there.

            Do you guys think you can see fit to turn this line into a DNC campaign commercial and run this everyday from now until 2008? Please? Keep up the good work!
            • Do you guys think you can see fit to turn this line into a DNC campaign commercial and run this everyday from now until 2008?

              By the time 2008 rolls around, this may well be so obvious that even you will be able to see it.

              • Keep doing it! With Moore making another movie and all you guys crying in the streets, sometimes I wonder if you all realize W can't run again in 2008. And good luck demonizing the next guy. Its just going to get harder and harder to run a hate-based campaign as each new republican steps up. The whole thing is so transparent. Don't stop now!
                • You really don't understand, do you? You think this is about elections and campaigns. You think it's about hate and demonization. You think it's about candidates and strategy. You think we just want power, and are willing to say whatever it takes to get it. All of that is your game and you're welcome to it. You don't get it, and you probably never will.

                  "Curse-a you Banzai, your whole planet's a gonna be destroyed, and you sit here wasting time?!?!"

                  "Laffa while-a you canna, monkey-boy." -- John Worfin

                  • A passive-aggressive liberalcrat! I reckon I never saw one of them thar before. Cuz I be clearly so dern simple dat I curn't be knowin about gubment policy and ecernomics.

                    Its you who don't understand. I don't care about your motivations for what you do. I merely see the results. The sort of behavior you displayed in this journal is exactly what drove many people away. I am merely here to ask you to continue and you seem more than willing to oblige.

                    Keep up the good work!
                    • You may be right about the reasons why some people were "driven away" from the Democratic party. Personally, I was driven away from them long ago by their willingness to sell out the American people to the corporatocracy for an easy buck and a little power. I didn't vote Kerry, but I probably would have if I had been in a swing state, just because the consequences of giving the neocons a "mandate" are so potentially destructive.

                      But let's set the bickering aside for a moment, if we can, because I have a se

                    • First of all, cutting through the noise was my point all along. Something which cannot be accomplished as long as people keep writing/repeating texts and speeches and movies with tone and message such as your journal. And not cutting through will not swing states, and not swinging states will lead to them staying red, which I assume is not your mission as it were to keep them from the evil "neocons".(Just for completeness, lets define that...Neocon: one who ascribes to an approach to politics or theology
                    • Very interesting. I think I begin to see. For example, I didn't believe that I hated anything, but by your usage, I actually hate dirty dishes. I didn't realize that. So if you want to change something, you hate it. Interesting. Yes, I do want to change America (under my understanding of what America is), I want to make it better. So I guess I hate it. But then, so do you. Or perhaps you want it to stay exactly the way it is right now? No, I don't think you do. So we both hate America. Good, at least we agr
                    • Or perhaps you want it to stay exactly the way it is right now? No, I don't think you do.

                      Doesn't matter. Until I am driven to do anything to change it, I have not hate. That was the definition. I have not seeked to change the constitution. I have not seeked to change the borders. I have not seeked to change the people. Hence, no hate. Perhaps you do hate dirty dishes. Who could blame you? But do you resolve the situation by cleaning them, or smashing them to bits and buying new ones. Both res
                    • Besides his crimes against them, remember, he does want to take action against them by putting out movies to expose them to his brand of reeducation.

                      I wasn't aware Moore had been indicted.

                      But you see, this is why I keep having to interpret what you say. Because everything you say rests on unstated assumptions, and I am trying to expose them. This argument rests on the unstated assumption that "reeducating" the people is harmful to them, and furthermore that Moore knows that it is harmful. Because if it

          • You tell 'em, zog!

            See, that's what I like about you, man, you're a real conservative, none of this neocon corporate bullshit we've been seeing lately. I can respect that. As a hardcore libertarian leftist, I find I have a lot more in common with you so-called "paleoconservatives" than with these neocon screwheads. They are not conservative -- they are radical right-wing statists! What are they thinking? They're drunk on power, they're like some kind of cult. I'm not talking about their supporters, I'm tal

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