SarahAnnAlien's Journal: Complexity and Uncertainty

Last weekend, I decided to write another entry in my Slashdot journal.

What followed was much soul-searching. Many tears. A six-page rough draft. More tears.

I don't think the Slashdot Journal is supposed to be this difficult!

The root of my problem is that my life is cursed with a sort of irreducible complexity right now. When I try to share one tiny little thread of my life, I wind up pulling in more, and more, and more, until I'm staring into the infinite complexity that is me right now.

That's when I get scared and start to cry.

In case anyone was wondering about the results of the lab tests checking to see whether or not I'm an alien: the results were, well, disappointing.

The following tidbit is from the lab report:

CERTAIN CYTOGENETIC ABNORMALITIES SUCH AS MOSAICISM, SUBTLE STRUCTURAL REARRANGEMENTS, AND SOME ARTIFACTS INCLUDING MATERNAL CELL CONTAMINATION, MAY NOT BE DETECTED. TESTING PERFORMED IN THE ABSENCE OF AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE PATIENT'S CLINICAL INDICATION MAY BE COMPROMISED. CHROMOSOME ANALYSIS IN GENERAL IS NOT USEFUL FOR THE DIAGNOSIS OF CONDITIONS WITH MENDELIAN, MULTIFACTORIAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL ETIOLOGIES.

In short, we asked the wrong question ("...absence of an accurate description...") and got an answer that wasn't useful, and if we had asked the right question, there is no possible answer that would tell us the "right" thing to do.

Well, at least it was expensive!

I knew deep down that the test wouldn't tell me anything useful, but back then I was so scared and desperate for answers that I was ready to try anything that might possibly offer a clue. Since then, I've grown a little, and I'm a little bit better at coping with the uncertainty.

Unfortunately, life continues to add additional uncertainty that must be coped with.

For now, I have to learn to be content as an alien.