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Journal HBI's_girl's Journal: Stressful Conversations 13

Journal by HBI's_girl

So I was going back and forth about writing this one and was convinced to go ahead and put it out there. Not sure if this is for responses or just because I need a place to vent my frustration.

Have been going back and forth for the past few weeks about what I wanted to do with life... fun topics huh. With HBI's help (god bless him, wonderful boyfriend that he is), I have finally reached the conclusion that I don't _have_ to know what I want to do career wise right now. I am only 24, I have time to try things out before settling on an intended career path. And amazingly enough, I am actually ok with this. (I tend to be a little on the control freaky side at times... slight ocd maybe? I think it runs in the family, my sister makes me look tame)

Anyway! So I had come to this conclusion. Well, right now I am in two classes, photo II and fantasy art (advanced painting class). I had thought I wanted to be a drawing a painting major and was headed down that course when I had an epiphany of sorts last week. When it comes to drawing and painting I am really not very self motivated. Getting to the point where I can actually complete my assignments is like pulling teeth. And the thought occured to me that if I was "destined" to do anything with that, I would be more self driven in that area. All the artisty, animator types you hear about grew up drawing, draw in their sketch pads daily etc etc. In fact, a lot of people in my Fantasy class are like that. And while I was not the worst in the class, I just don't have a love of doing it. So it seemed wrong to me.

Today I talked to my photo professor about all of this. I had come to my own conclusion, that dropping Fantasy would be best since I really wasn't interested in doing drawing/painting as a major any longer, but I wanted to get a second opinion. Now, I know I could have asked my Fantasy prof but he is very biased in terms of anything drawing and painting. So he would have told me to stick the class out (and every student I talked to agreed with me on that.) Conversation with my photo prof went great! I had showed her the stuff I printed today, and while she did have suggestions for improvement, she thought they were beautiful.

As for the to take Fantasy or drop it, she agreed with my reasoning and gave me suggestions for classes to take if I wanted to pursue the animation thing. She said she would love to pursuade me to do photo but she understood my desire to leave school and work for awhile. (I have been thinking about doing that too -- I already have 1 degree - computer science). So... unfortunately, all of the above is just a very brief background to the stressy conversation I referred to in my title.

If my quick background was a little hopping all over the place and hard to follow, I apologize... I just wanted to get the basics over with so you (hopefully) wouldn't be too confused.

Heres the issue. I get home and tell mom about all of this, and she was actually very supportive and said I was going to school again to try things out and help me figure out what I wanted to do. I was shocked at that response, expected her to be much less understanding, but was very pleasently surprised.

Now then... she and dad go out to dinner tonight. And apparently she happened to mention the desire to drop fantasy to him. As soon as they get home, he calls me and says he wants to talk to me.

He thinks I should reconsider dropping fantasy because "we started this course with a set goal in mind" etc etc, and I needed to continue towards the goal even if things got "hard". "You are in school, and its not supposed to be easy or fun, its work" etc etc. So photo prof and I discussed this aspect of things... if it was a lower level class I needed for anything else, I would suck it up and continue. But this isn't a lower level class. Its an upper level advanced class, and I have no desire to be there. And he doesn't get that.

He just thinks I would be more employable and have a better career path if I did graphics or animation because "what are you going to do with photography".

I realize that he wants the best for me and all of that, but this is not the first instance of him doing this. I had planned on moving in with HBI last August, but when dad found out he freaked. Pulled just about every trick he could to guilt me /force me into staying, because it was "in my best interest". For some reason, he seems to think I am unemployable without a second degree... like someone my current one isn't enough.

Its like, he has these dreams for me but doesn't leave room for my own. Its very frustrating. I hate the fact that he can make me feel so bad about myself that these "conversations" we have put me to tears regularly. Its what causes me to cry most above all else.

I'm not sure how to really conclude this... each attempt seems to end in more rambling by me.

I am sure I left out pertinent phrases or parts of the story and for that I apologize. I hope it is at least understandable for anyone who is reading it. If nothing else, it was a good outlet for me to vent. Clear my mind of it all a little bit.

I do not think I am going to stay in my Fantasy class, as he is suggesting I do. I guess I will update or reply as needed to include things I left out.

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Stressful Conversations More

Stressful Conversations

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  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • *smiles*

      Actually what you said was pretty dead on. I am glad you were able to follow the journal entry and not get lost.

      HBI is very understanding about the art thing. I have told him more than once that he understands me much better than my father does (and possibly ever will). We have had conversations about it. When we do get a house, its going to have a darkroom... actually as soon as I can set one up I am going to get one. Hopefully it will also have an unfinished basement because I also love ceramics
  • Your father didn't start this course of action any more than I did. You did. And only you can decide if this path is right.
  • As a father of two daughters, ages 21 and 17, I have to say that it's time for you to decide on what you are going to do with your life. If you want to ask for help or advice, you can, but it's your life and responsibility. It's not always easy, as a parent, to let go, but it is often quite rewarding (for both parties). To manipulate one's children with guilt is just wrong.

    Good luck with the photography course. I love photography, and I've often wished that I had made time for a formal course when
  • I'd say you certainly don't need to make up your mind about what you want to "do with your life" at this point. First of all, 24 is still quite young. You will probably change your mind as you get older and your circumstances change. You may find yourself in a situation where you can pursue a variety of directions and create your own perfect career path that will lead you places you couldn't possibly anticipate. :-)

    I think the difference in your parents' responses is interesting. Your mom wants you to fol
  • Not knowing you too well yet, this may be presumptive/misguided, but if you are a CS graduate with social skills and artistic abilities, you should be incredibly employable, regardless of what single courses are listed on your resume. Perhaps if only that one course stood between you and a degree, or something like that, I could see your Dad's concern.

    To me it seems likely that if someone really wanted to know what kind of artist you are, they would ask to see a portfolio before they would ever check to s
  • ...change your environment. Study abroad or do a gap year. Meet new people and get new perspectives. It's amazing how much easier it is to start thinking when you're far away from "the same old."
  • While I am sure that your father is working in what he believes is your best interest I advise against letting other people make your life decisions for you.

    I think that a person has to make decisions for and by him/her self. Not only is it a difficult and hard earned skill, it also becomes the base for being able to help others cast off their chains.

    You might make wrong choices and fall flat on your face, but they were your choices.
  • When I was your age (which wasn't that long ago... 6 years) I was the same way. Here's my story in a nutshell, and you'll see that it pretty well mirrors exactly what you are currently going through.

    I was a shitty student. Bad grades, had a hard enough time showing up (playing in bands and going to shows was more important). Anyway, my second year in a community college I was "discovered" by one of the graphic art professors in the computer lab. I was creating a flyer for a friend who was putting on a show
  • I am only 24, I have time to try things out before settling on an intended career path.

    There is your answer --no need to consider any further:)

    Parent issues are another discussion for another time ;)

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