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Journal VonGuard's Journal: General Malaise

A general malaise has descended over my life of late. I'm really not sure why it has descended, but I know when it began.

I have a sort of a commonality of interaction when it comes to meeting people that I admire or that I would like to emulate.

Case in point, I met Eric Idle on Wednesday night. I made an ass of myself by asking him for an interview, which he resoundingly turned down. I feel as though I had a chance to meet someone I really ernestly admired and I turned it into a scene in which that person came away thinking that I was some loser with an agenda rather than, quite possibly, the biggest fan of him and his ilk in the place.

I love Monty Python. Love it to absolute death. Know all the cheeses in the CheeseShop. I know the Philosopher's song by heart, can almost recite the entire name of Johan Gambblepuddydevonauschvitzapplebangerdingledangledongle...

Ok, I have a long way to go to really memorize that one.

But I didn't convey this person to Eric Idle. I came off as a greedy journalist who only waited in line so that he could try to further his career.

Why do I beat myself up over this so much? I mean, it's not even something that really is sticking in his mind. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it already.

And yet, he probably remembers V, Chris, and Jen.

Well, since that evening, I have been in the absolute depths of depression. It's also confounded by the fact that I won't be hearing from anyone at Apple or Futurenetwork USA until after the New Years. So until then, I am devoid of employment.

I also did my taxes for 2002 and 2001 this week. Broke even between the refund and what I owed.

This has made me very nervous about how 2003 will look. I did a lot of freelance work this year, and none of it had any withholding. I am gonna owe a shitload of money on it when it comes time to pay this year.

That is Teh Suck.

As I write this, a young man is seated next to me at the ACCRC. He's possibly one of the most well behaved kids we;'ve ever had in here for a placement. Typically, the kids run around like freaking maniacs and the parents demand speakers, printers and scanners.

He recognized Sonic the Hedgehog 3 music coming off of GamingFM.


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General Malaise

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In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982