Fux the Penguin's Journal: SuSE and Linux? Grandma's bane, I tell you what.

My post attached to Gateway forges partnership with SuSE

I can't say I'm not shocked. I've always thought that if Linux was ever going to break into the mainstream, it's got to find its way onto OEM PCs produced by a major manufacturer who offers actual support for the operating system! This could be the one event that finally makes it happen.

Now the bad news, though. If this actually goes through, two things are going to happen: first, Gateway is going to be flooded with calls from people who bought a Gateway PC, got it home, turned it on...and saw something other than that familiar multicolored Windows logo. They're going to see some green (or perhaps spotted) lizard, instead, and think that either a) gateway ripped them off, or b) their computer's been attacked by hackers with a reptile fetish. Then, they're going to be marching right back to Gateway Country in their Jettas and their Escalades, demanding a refund. Second, once they find out there are no refunds, only cold bitter truth and a rain that stings like mellow-yellow on a paper cut, they're going to be stuck with Linux. And, I'm sad to say, Linux and Grandma don't mix.

Seriously, I think Linux is absolutely fantastic for geeks like us, who like to do things the hard way. You know, the kind of people who bother to download hundreds of megabytes of porn of the internet, instead of just paying a hooker like everybody else. However, John Q. Everyman just doesn't think that way, and if you don't think our way, you're likely to hate Linux. How well do you think grandma is going to react to the tech support guy telling her that all she needs to do to get her RAID 5 array up and running is to recompile her kernel? Look, I really don't think Grandma is going to want to go through all that kind of trouble, as she's got a delicious apple pie in the oven, and the ladies from the Daughters of the Confederacy are coming over for bridge later, and she just has to tell them about how her grandbaby, Julie Arhoolian, finally made it big in Australian pop music, even though she can't approve of the lyrics and the skin-tight leather bodice that lifts and separates, thank you very much.

See, it's stuff like that that makes Linux unique. It's kind of like the signs at the amusement park that say "You must be this tall to ride this ride." That's Linux. If you're not willing to go through the nightmarish hell that is a Linux install, and then recompile your kernel three times just so you can watch some DivX porno, then you should be out pickin' daisies and skippin' rocks with Jim B. Everywho instead of toiling in your parent's basement, desperately trying to get that winmodem to work under the newest Linux kernel.

The only way we're going to save Linux is to get it off Grandma's computer. There needs to be a big splash warning on the front page of every Linux distro site: "If you can't name the entire original cast of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine," then please click here [microsoft.com]. And no, we're not counting the 'New Dax' because that was really gay the way they offed her after Worf finally finds true love."

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Man, the mods on slashdot are smoking the cheap $3 crack. This is as insightful as it gets, and they mod me down? Obviously, a travesty of justice.