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Journal The Turd Report's Journal: The Turd Report 11/10/2003 4

There is something up with a muscle in my upper leg; the pain is like a punishment from God. My doc perscribed Percocet for me; they tend to bind me up. I hadn't pooped for almost 2 days and this morning the pain in my gut was unbearable. In the past days I had eaten the buffet at Charlie Chang's, a roll-up from Harris Teeter's, 2 cheeseburgers from McD's, and 2-3 pounds of red, seedless grapes. This sat in my gut, like a lead weight. Sitting on the can was painful as the muscle is very tight. Being backed up, I had to push like I haven't pushed a turd in a very long while. After a few minutes, it all rushed from my body in one explosive load. I instantly felt 5 pounds lighter and 100% better. The turd was shaped like grape-shot that they used to use in cannons and was a uniform brown color. I can't comment on odor, as the cat had just taken a poop right before me (and my cat's poop reeks like hot death). Clean up was very easy. The almost painful level of pushing does hurt the over all rating of this turd, but I felt so good afterwards, I'll give it an 8.

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The Turd Report 11/10/2003

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  • Man, I feel bad about your health problems, but my GOD. Can you describe a dump or what!

    Today has sucked on a lot of levels, but this just made my day.

    let's ponder that for a moment.

    An anonymous stranger posting about the shit they took today made me feel better.

    I need help.

"You must have an IQ of at least half a million." -- Popeye