bluefairee's Journal: unusual

i normally don't post my "personal" entries here. i leave them for my blog. i can't get to my blog tonight so all my lucky fans out there get to witness the jumble in my head.

today, as yesterday, i'm amazed at how at ease i am just being me. serveral have commented on how i put myself down in one of my first comments. i honestly didn't realize it because it was so mild compared to what i normally do. the response was overwhelming on over due.

i'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to "do" with myself. my family finally got the hint and has stopped calling me with all of their drama. work is going well. i don't have any major conflicts or hurtles to jump. so i'm just standing here trying to figure out what to do next. i've never had this happen to me before.

it's really odd b/c as much as i've wanted this i almost want to take it back. i said ALMOST. i am so out of my comfort zone that the discomfort of being happy is pushing me back to my old ways. i don't want to go there though. i repeat, i am happy, i'm just uncomfortable being happy. making new friends and picking up new hobbies is fun and exciting, but it's also completly out of my comfort zone.

if i weren't so damned passionate about becoming self confidant, facing my fears, and enjoying my life i'd high tail it in the other direction. alas, i am passionate about these things and i won't give them up, not for anyone or thing. i guess while i get accustomed to my bigger, better self, i'm gonna have to suck it up. so suck i will.

till my next deep thought....i still think...

Bravo, Sister!

[bethanie]

so suck i will.

Good suckage is always appreciated 'round these parts, I've found! :-)

Welcome to the club!

....Bethanie....

Re:Bravo, Sister!

[arb]

Good suckage is always appreciated 'round these parts, I've found! :-)

Always appreciated here! ;-)

My Advice

[LPetrazickis]

i'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to "do" with myself.

I think you should give World Conquest a swing. It's all the rage these days. Go, Blue, go.;)

Give me my thoughts back.

[Jellybob]

it's really odd b/c as much as i've wanted this i almost want to take it back. i said ALMOST. i am so out of my comfort zone that the discomfort of being happy is pushing me back to my old ways.

Ok, so there not actually my thoughts right now, but it was quite strange seeing someone else writing down feelings I've had in the past, and not been able to translate into words.