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Journal The Turd Report's Journal: The Turd Report 09/08/2003 1

I didn't eat much Sunday; I just had 2 BLTs on bagels as an early lunch and 6 pizza rolls for dinner. This mornings poo was out of sync with my morning routine. Usually, I wake up and have 5-10 minutes before my ass wakes up. Today, the need to poo was immediate; Not so immediate that I thought I would shit myself, but enought to let me know to start moving towards the can. The ammount of effort to get the turd going was just right; not so lax that it is diarhea, but not such a strain that I think I am going to have a stroke. Once the inital breakthru, it was smooth sailing. There was one alpha turd and 2 beta turds. The alpha turd was a good 9 inches long and had the same icecream cone shape of the previous day's. The beta turds were a generic turd shape. They were all a consistant, light brown color with no irregularities. It stayed submerged and I didn't fart alot, so there was little to no smell. Clean up was a bit of a mess, it took a good half dozen wipes with paper before it was clean enough for the wet wipe. Thankfuly, I did a pre-flush, so the excess paper didn't cause a clog. I rate this turd a 7.
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The Turd Report 09/08/2003

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... though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock of sewage from beginning to end. -- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War"