Follow Slashdot blog updates by subscribing to our blog RSS feed

 


Forgot your password?
Close
typodupeerror
×
Announcements

Journal tomhudson's Journal: Goodbye, Heidi - 1999 - March 25th, 2008. 44

Journal by tomhudson

My friend is gone.

When I came into the house a few minutes ago, for a few seconds I saw her waiting for me.

But she wasn't. She's gone.

The bed she warmed for the last 5 years will not be the same tonight. She's gone.

For only the second time in 5 years, she won't be interrupting my sleep by moving around. She's gone.

She won't try to make me put down the book I'm reading to pay attention to her.

She won't be trying to get me to share from my plate.

For the first time in years, I no longer have to worry about how much or how little time we have left together.

She's gone. For good.

I will always remember the look she gave me the first time we met. In one of life's strange coincidences, it was 5 years ago today. She tilted her head and gave me "the look." It's like she was saying "You're taking me home, right?" I believe that for those last 5 years, I gave her a good home. Without a doubt she knew she was loved.

Last night I suspected something was seriously wrong. I held her all night, and today we faced the music together.

She'd need lots of treatment plus an operation, and the odds of surviving were put at 25% to 30% at best ... and less over the long term. A full recovery was not going to happen. At 8-1/2 years old, she was already older than the average St. Bernard. She would have made a good mother, but there were no live pups.

This is the hard part of being a dog's master. Saying goodbye to someone who trusts us completely. Making the decisions that only we can make. Being with her to the end and beyond, to reassure her that it would be over quickly, and that she was a good dog, the best, and that I loved her always.

She's gone. And she'll always be with me, my beautiful, drooly, snuggly, loving St. Bernard. Just as the first Bear the Newfie is still with me, and before him, the huge mutt I named "Tiny".

I miss her so much. And it hurts.

Goodbye, Heidi - 1999 - March 25th, 2008.

This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Goodbye, Heidi - 1999 - March 25th, 2008. More

Goodbye, Heidi - 1999 - March 25th, 2008.

Comments Filter:
  • It may be small consolation just now, but at least she knew what it was to be really loved and cared for.

    • Thank you.

      It may be small consolation just now, but at least she knew what it was to be really loved and cared for.

      That she did. Everyone who knows me says my dogs are lucky to have me as their "owner" - I believe it works both ways.

  • My heart goes out to you. I'm giving our dogs extra hugs tonight.

    • Thank you.

      My heart goes out to you. I'm giving our dogs extra hugs tonight.

      I'm doing the same with Toby and Bear II. They knew Heidi was my favourite, but they also liked her, so there was no "competition" between her and the two boys. Our relationship will evolve now that Heidi is gone; both Heidi and the original Bear are tough acts to follow.

  • May she rest in peace. She will live on in your heart and memories.

    • Thank you.

      May she rest in peace. She will live on in your heart and memories.

      That she will. I often think of the original Bear, even though it's been 4 years. The same will be true of Heidi. She is part of me.

      I had said that I would never consider another St. Bernard, but while I was saying goodbye to her at the vet before they administered the injections, I realized that she had been such a good dog that I would definitely do it all again; I promised her as much. Not right away, but maybe in a coup

      • I hope you will... You seem to be a great "dog owner" (sorry, no better term found...)

        • I hope you will... You seem to be a great "dog owner" (sorry, no better term found...)

          No offense taken - everyone who knows me says the same thing :-)

          • :-) We've been talking about a dog too. I stay firm and tell to my wife that a dog has no place in an apartment. The poor thing would go insane. I'd love a dog, and I'd consider a St Bernard, but only if I know I can provide for it.

            • As long as you walk them, it doesn't matter whether you're in an apartment or a house. Lets face it - in the wild, they would be spending a lot of their time in their den, which would be much smaller than a room, never mind an apartment. Even in the wild, they'd spend much of their time sleeping (guess that's why they call it a dog's life :-)

              The REAL issue with St. Bernards is drool. Not just on the floor, but on the walls when they shake their head. Be prepared to go around with a rag and clean up after

            • Re: (Score:2)

              by ces ( 119879 )

              We've been talking about a dog too. I stay firm and tell to my wife that a dog has no place in an apartment. The poor thing would go insane. I'd love a dog, and I'd consider a St Bernard, but only if I know I can provide for it.

              As Tom said dogs can do just fine in an apartment as long as you walk them every day and make sure they get some exercise. The big trick is to find a dog that suits you and your lifestyle. For most people with an apartment something like a basset hound is more suitable than say a Siberian husky. It really isn't a size issue more one of how much energy the dog has and how much attention it demands.

              • It would help my wife. She is lonely for some reason if I'm not at home. Due to our jobs, she is more often than not alone.... I thought that a (english) cocker spaniel would be nice.... don't ask me why :-)

                • Then why not take a trip to the local dog pound? You can even search your local craigslist for pets (dog sales aren't allowed, but give-aways or adoptions w. small fees are).

                  There are also pet stores that don't sell dogs, just food - they usually know who has a dog that needs a new home ... sometimes they have postings on a board, sometimes you have to ask. Same with your local veterinarian (that's where I got one of mine from).

                  Or you can foster a dog. Usually, you keep the animal for a few months, and

  • So sorry to hear that, my friend. It's truly amazing how attached we become to our four-legged companions. I still miss the only dog I've ever had.

    • Thank you.

      So sorry to hear that, my friend. It's truly amazing how attached we become to our four-legged companions. I still miss the only dog I've ever had.

      They really do become part of our lives. I refused to get another dog after my mutt "Tiny" because saying goodbye to a good dog is so hard.

  • Comment removed based on user account deletion

    • Thank you.

      Many of us know what it's like to lose an animal companion, that unconditional love we have for it, and they have for us.

      It never makes it any easier.

      I'm sorry.

      She adored me right from the beginning. We just "clicked." I had never dreamed that I would some day own a St. Bernard, but when my sister called me and told me "I know you like big dogs, and they have a beautiful 3-1/2-year-old St. Bernard at the pound" I told her to just stuff her in her car and I'd pick it up after work, sight un

    • This.

      I'm so sorry that you've lost Heidi.

      • Thank you.

        I keep thinking about her by her absence. Letting the other dogs outside, she's not there. Giving them their treats and telling them they're good boys, I find myself having to keep from saying "... and Heidi's a good girl! (saving the best for last - actually, I'd give her a treat, give the boys each one, then give her a second, since she was the largest)".

        It's not the same, but I'm finding that knowing I did the right thing for her in so many ways all these years, it really makes a differenc

        • I thought of you today when I was reading somebody else's journal. Her dad just had to put down the cat from her childhood (loss of control of bodily functions), and her deceased mother's dog (liver failure) in the same week. She had this to say:

          They really aren't replaceable.

          They don't live forever. We choose to love them anyway.
          I'm glad you and Heidi had each other.

          • Having to put down her deceased mother's dog must have been doubly hard because it's like losing another connection to her mother. Her father must have been thinking the same with her, her father, and the family cat, and all those memories.

            And when they're gone, it's like "phantom limb syndrome" ... my condolences for both your friends' and her fathers' losses.

  • Anyone who doesn't believe in unconditional love has never had a canine friend - we strive to be as lovable as our pets think we are, and they remind us that no matter what else might be going on in our worlds, we are loved. It hurts when we lose them. I'm sorry for your losses, too.

    • Thank you.

      Anyone who doesn't believe in unconditional love has never had a canine friend - we strive to be as lovable as our pets think we are, and they remind us that no matter what else might be going on in our worlds, we are loved. It hurts when we lose them. I'm sorry for your losses, too.

      It's strange not having her around. Right now, I'm washing her bowl for the last time before I put it away. I'll always remember her, just like the original Bear, and Tiny.

      I'm always amazing just how close dogs g

  • I'm sorry to hear of your loss. May she rest in peace.

    • Thank you.

      I'm sorry to hear of your loss. May she rest in peace.

      I stayed with her right to the end, hugging her, telling her how good she was, and that everything would be okay in a few moments, and how much I love her. It hurts just to think about it, but I know I did the right thing for her. Her 5 years with me was better than her first 3-1/2 years chained outside most of the time.

      She wanted so much to be a mother. She always went gaga over infants and even baby strollers; she wanted to mother the

  • This is always a very difficult thing to go through. I know that you loved her very much and that from what you have said of her she loved you as well.

    It was said early by someone, but she knew, because of you, what love is.

    Try not to listen to any music for a few days. No matter what song you hear it will probably remind you of her.

    My condolences go out to you.

    • Thank you.

      While I've known for 2 years, since her hind quarters started to go, that this day would come, the way it ultimately happened was a shock.

      I didn't really want her to get pregnant, and because she couldn't stand long enough for Bear II to mount her properly, it wasn't likely. Even when she could stand properly, he was never able to mount her long enough, even standing on "tippie-toes" - she was a big dog.

      I figured "Oh well, if she's pregnant, what the heck - she'll make a good mother, and th

  • So so sorry. There are no words.

    • Thanks.

      It's going to take a while to get used to not having to push her out of the way in bed, or her not being at the door to see me off in the morning, and greet me at night. It was a routine, but it was also so much more than that as well.

      People who don't believe dogs have personalities, and the amazing bond that forms, really are missing out on one of life's special experiences.

  • Remembering both Bo and what Zack is going through now. I rose a glass to Heidi after I read this, and she and you have been in my thoughts and prayers. Would that there were more dog people like you.

    Take care, Tom

    • Thanks, and you too. It's just hard to say goodbye, which I guess is a good thing - if it was easy, we wouldn't appreciate what we had. I know you and Zack will pack in as much as you can in what time is left, despite the circumstances. Heidi taught me a lot, and I'll bet Bo and Zack have done the same for you. It's funny, how they make us meditate on life from a different perspective in those quiet times together.

  • ...so I only just got to read this now.

    So sorry to hear this. I'm sending a hug over, and my thoughts.

    My parents' AmStaff turns 13 this May, and they usually live less than ten years. We have had him since he's been 4 weeks old, and he's been such a good companion. I will have a hard time consoling my kids when Blue dies, because I will miss him so much myself. So I know what you feel, and I, just like you did with Heidi, give Blue those extra hugs and let him know he's loved. He's the most fucking stubborn

    • Thanks. The craigslist story was nice. I like the "no pockets" touch.

      Everyone who saw Bear said he was a once-in-a-lifetime dog, and against all odds, Heidi developed into another once-in-a-lifetime dog.

      He's the most fucking stubborn dog I've ever known, but he also is the first dog I could really communicate with. I can read exactly what he thinks, and vice versa, and that's a very special thing to share with an animal. I guess you've had that with Heidi, too.

      I know what you mean. We keep saying tha

  • I know what it feels like to have that happen. I wish you a return to good spirits when you're ready.

    • Thanks.

      Actually, the court case (me suing the gubbiment et al) has been such a distraction that I don't have much free time to get mopey-eyed, so in a way, if it had to happen, the timing was optimal.

      The hardest times are those "routine" times, where I notice the hole she leaves. She was a BIG dog, and she's left a BIG hole, but I'd do it again.

  • people are fine and everything, but if you've never been loved by a dog, you've never been loved.

    • people are fine and everything, but if you've never been loved by a dog, you've never been loved.

      Dogs' love is like a parabolic mirror - it reflects back everything you give them, but concentrated on the focus - you.

      They really are like our own children.

  • I hadn't logged into /. in a while and came back to see this. I'm truly sorry for your loss, I experienced such a loss just a couple of months ago with the kindest, friendliest pug I'd ever known. We got her through a rescue organization, and it turned out she was much older than was previously thought, and had severe arthritis in her spine. She had no indication of the pain the vet she must have been going through the entire time we had her, which is why it wasn't caught until she just fell over one day

    • I'm sorry to hear about your pug. Dogs just don't complain. I think it's because they are so loyal to us that their love for us outweighs the pain. Wish we as a species were as good, but that's another story.

      Heidi was from the local pound (I'm always amazed at what people "throw out". A flat-coat St. Bernard?!?) Bear II (my current Newfie) was from a tip from a rescue operation - they didn't have time to go through the usual process, because the dog was in a pound, and due to be put down first thing Mond

      • And you're right - fostering a dog would be heart-breaking. How do you give them up for adoption after without wondering "what if ..."? It has to be tough.

        Yeah, it is tough, but I trust the organization we work with. They've had a couple of bad folks adopt from them, but they have a system of blacklisting people who end up treating the animals poorly. And I believe they share the blacklist with other organizations, so that kind of helps. But the good feeling is still there, and we get to help a dog go from terrified of people in general to loving and loyal.

        • If I ever give a dog to anyone, I want the right to see it afterwards to make sure it's happy.

          With the stray that the veterinarian gave me, when they located the owners 2 months later, I told them point-blank that it was the dog that was going to make the decision, not them. If the dog was happy to see them, they could have him back. Otherwise, forget it.

          It worked out great - they got their dog (turns out his name was "Boots") back, and they knew that Bear (the dog they had gotten to replace him) was g

Slashdot Top Deals

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man. -- James Blish

Close