mutterer's Journal: "Justin-take it for what you will/take me for all i am"

"these puddles beneath my heart
thick with blood and love
make dark the street and your eyes
sinking to meet them
deflating like slow balloons
melting, aching into the pavement
a cold embrace of concrete
and you are home.
I don't even see you moving in that
sea of stone and dripping, shimmering life

but you are there
losing beneath between the two
losing yourself somewhere in me
i feel only your phantom heartbeat
and the heaviness of your blue silence
i remember how i used to fill you sweetly with colors
with the breath of angels
like symphonies of honey air
there was a palce
(full of my words for you, those god-children)
that joined our minds
where you were king
and i was queen
and we saw only that we were royal.
now i watch you from so far away
how is it my dirty thoughts enter
your veins like needles?
the blackened metal of my mind
in your slow rivers
you've forgotten how my heart used to kiss yours
in the depths of one shared body
i've forgotten how to touch your face.
these memories have shallow graves
the earth above them breathes still"
-TLB

I'd give anything for my old misery.