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Journal SarahAnnAlien's Journal: An Alien Update

I'm way overdue for an update here... I've actually tried to write a bunch of different times, but somehow, I just haven't been able to do it. Then last weekend, I finally did write a very nice journal entry. It was about Easter baskets. It was pretty cool. But I thought it sounded too much like one of those things that would get me more advice than I know what to do with, and maybe make people angry too, so I don't know if I'll ever post it.

At the moment, I don't need advice; I've already had plenty, thanks. And I don't really need sympathy either.

All I really need is to share.

So, shortest possible update: I've been having major hormone problems for many months. We ended up switching me to high doses of injectable estrogen, which helped in some ways, hurt in others, and left me sick and/or limping about four or five days a week.

It's been very frightening to watch the gains I've made over the last several years slowly drift away because I simply don't feel well enough to *do* anything, or spend time with people. Clearly, I can't put up with this forever.

So, surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. Orchiectomy.

Hopefully, this will move me from my current intractable hormonal state to something more manageable. And there's good reason to believe that it will. But we won't know for sure until we try it.

Which is, admittedly, a little scary.

I think a lot of people *think* that my biggest worry should be something like, "oh, no, but what if I change my mind?" or something like that... but that's a non-issue for me. The first discussion of this particular course of action came about five years ago... before *I* knew about my being an alien. And this will be my fourth surgery "down there".

Things aren't right down there... and never were. And there's usually pain down there, too. As I told my therapist, if the whole transition thing *hadn't* worked out, I'd be doing the exact same thing. Or trying to.

It was kind of interesting how quickly things came together; once I found a surgeon I liked, I had the necessary approval letters within about a week, which probably has to do with having worked with the same endocrinologist and therapist for the last three years, and the fact that we've been talking about the possibility of doing this for almost that long. I said, "it's time", and they said, "ok." Family and friends know the whole story and are all supportive.

The only catch is my insurance company. Of course, they're claiming that they won't pay for this, for reasons known only to them at the moment, possibly because they feel that since they now cover SRS, orchiectomy isn't "necessary". My employer and I are both disputing that, but at this point it looks like I'll be paying for this myself and trying to get reimbursed for it later.

Whatever. Right now, that's not one of the battles I have the time or energy to fight. I've learned to pick and choose, when I can. And that's one I can deal with later.

I'm actually a lot more worried about what things will be like in the weeks and months immediately following surgery. We'll have to figure out new hormone dosages for my new configuration; that *should* be easier, but who knows. And I expect to have tummy trouble for at least a few months, too, but I think that will settle down eventually.

I'm having a visitor this weekend! He's coming tonight and will stay until Sunday. I was supposed to have gone to see *him* by now, but I've been too sick to make such a long drive. And since it might take several months for me to find the new "normal" after surgery, I asked him specifically if he'd like to come "before", since I don't know how soon "after" will be practical.

I'm really looking forward to his visit; I need the distraction right now, and I always enjoy spending time with him. Maybe we'll go to a museum. Or maybe we'll go to the zoo again.

I wonder if he realizes that we went on our first date six months ago today? :-)

Six months... and he still thinks that it's worth a three hour drive to come spend time with me, despite the fact that I'm an alien, and despite the fact that my hormones are rather profoundly unbalanced at the moment.

So, in short, how am I doing?

I'm doing *great*! :-)

The rest is just a silly hormone problem.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs. -- H.L. Mencken