Journal Liora's Journal: Reality is a little green worm 16
Reality is a little green worm. And yesterday, it bit me on the finger. But then all these nice people who read
My dad says that people who are firmly grounded in reality and are actually trying to see the big picture will always get a little depressed every once in a while. They see the way things are, they see what they are doing with their lives, and they are apt to feel like it is time to reanalyze things every now and then. This week, it is my turn for reassessment.
The good news here is that hey, I must finally be grounded in reality! The bad news is that I have a lot of work to do. Starting today.
Thank you everyone for your very nice posts. I have been thinking about it and I have concluded that I need to revamp some things. The first of these is that I need to spend less time writing emails and posting to
The second thing that I need to do is spend more time exercising and with God. So this morning I woke at 5:30, made some tea, and walked all over the neighborhood, praying the whole time. I need to do this more often. I like to tell myself that I do it enough, but since I don't do it every day, I don't do it enough. I read an interesting thing yesterday. "Prayer saves time." It's really true. Martin Luther, the still talked about founder of the Lutheran church said that he usually spent two hours a day praying, except on really busy days, then he spent three. I don't think I'll be devoting that kind of time to it, but if I can walk around and pray for 45 min. to an hour every morning I think that will be a good start.
The other thing that I have realized is that my successes often dictate my mood. I have been doing something for church for the last two weeks and it hasn't been going that well. So the lack of success is probably in part what sparked this whole downturn of mood. So I'm going to seriously try to keep those kinds of things away from my determination of self-worth.
Finally, I need to spend more time with my friends. I need to sleep less. I need to do more. I need to watch my tongue and make sure that nothing untrue slips from it especially if it seems harmless. I also need to start eating better. Sure, I look fine according to everyone I know, but I weigh more now than I ever have in my entire life, and I don't feel as good as I used to. Part of that is getting older, but part of that is putting on weight. I weigh now 30 pounds more than I did in high school. Sure, I hide it really well... but still. I was not undernourished in high school.
Anyway, there you have it, Liora's self-improvement plan. Prayer, exercise, healthier living, less self-indulgence. I hope I do all right.
BTW, Shimmin if you're reading, we're just going to be the best of friends and ignore all of this nonsense.
Live anywhere near cincy? (Score:1)
What I do when I'm feelin down? Cook. If you live anywhere near cincinnati, I'd be happy to cook you a 'feel better' dinner
Re:Live anywhere near cincy? (Score:2)
I like reading my own thoughts... (Score:2)
The past few weeks, I've been seriously trying to walk down the path of "simplify Daoine's life" I'm too involved in too many things. I feel like my life has gotten to the point where I spend so much time doing the things I want that I've got no time to sit back and reflect on everything that's happening...and I just remembered my next journal entry topic.
Ok, back on topic. I decided I needed to sleep less, keep in contact with my friends and family, walk more (~2 miles a day), stretch more, eat less garbage, and find some frickin' inner peace.
If you hadn't gathered already, not going well so far. I'm craving oatmeal cookies, I was a total insomniac last night, which meant I slept late, couldn't get up and walk, and wound up late to work anyway.
Ok, I'm starting now. No, really.
Re:I like reading my own thoughts... (Score:2)
Depression and the reality worm (Score:1)
I really think your dad has a point. I believe that the reason that my boyfriend's depression is hitting him so hard is that it isn't just some chemical imbalance in his head. For two years now, he's been going through what many people take to be some little funk that can be fixed with medicine, but I don't think that's the case. Through many, many hours of talking to him about this, I think I understand that he is depressed for a reason. Some people look at life as something to wade through and have a good time. They do things just because that's what you're supposed to do in life, but my boyfriend can't understand the point of even existing unless you have a higher purpose. For some people, this greater purpose is religion, but my boyfriend is an atheist. I've lost count of the number of times that he has said "I wish I believed in god." You can drug him all you want, but his depression is far worse on an intellectual level than a physiological one. He will continue to be depressed until he knows why he is here.
Some people are content to just do things, but people who continually assess their thoughts and actions are prone to realizing that they could do better. I'm glad to see that you have been bitten by the reality worm and survived. Don't dwell too much on the past. You can only change who you will become, not who you were.
Re:Depression and the reality worm (Score:1)
My dad says that people who are firmly grounded in reality and are actually trying to see the big picture will always get a little depressed every once in a while.
That was actually one of the most insightful things I've read in a while. Its true. I too have had to struggle with depression stemming from the fact that I ponder just how fscked up the world is and how little power I have to change things.
People with constantly bubbly personalities seem like they have been lobotomized in some way. If not, at least they have trained themselves very well to not look at the dark side of life, because there is a tremendous amount of pain and suffering in the world.
OTOH, while the depression may not be triggered by a chemical imbalance, the happy pills can help. They certainly are not the final word in curing depression. The best path to happiness(beyond taking good care of your health) is realizing there are many things to rejoice about without forgetting the people who are less fortunate. Helping others in need through volunteer work is a great way of curing the blues. By doing that you step outside yourself and your own problems for a while, you feel good because you are helping others, and you realize you have a lot to be thankful for.
Weight issues (Score:2)
You can't judge your weight based on what you were when you were a teenager. Your body undergoes a lot of changes after eighteen--you put weight on the hips and breasts, for one thing--that are perfectly natural and healthy. Gaining weight after high school is normal.
I've found that most of the women I know are completely unable (myself included) to sanely judge their weight. I have a friend who I swear up and down is thinner than I. She swears I'm skinnier. And we fit each other's clothes like a glove. :) I'm going to guess that whatever it is you feel about your weight, almost everyone else in the world would think you're exaggerating.
What I'm trying to say is that it's good to exercise and eat well. These are things that are healthy to do. So do them, and don't worry about your weight. Weight is correlated with health, but it is not the cause. Do healthy things, and let your weight be what it is. That's what matters.
As an aside, I have a major crush on a guy who reads slashdot, too. But he's not into the journal entry things. Actually, he doesn't really post at all. So I can safely mention him without fear of invoking his wrath. :)
Re:Weight issues (Score:2)
*snort*
I don't think it's *possible* for me to get down to my high school weight without serious injury. I don't even want to be there. It's 30 pounds away!
I am utterly incapable of judging my own weight though. I am quite convinced that I'm heavier than most people say I am. We're both wrong -- people will constantly size me smaller than I am (I guess that's a good thing!) - and I just need to admit that I will never fit into my skinny jeans again and go buy new ones.
Re:Weight issues (Score:2)
That idea is really funny. "Without serious injury"
New revolutionary diet plan, Quadrapalegia!
I am utterly incapable of judging my own weight though. I am quite convinced that I'm heavier than most people say I am. We're both wrong -- people will constantly size me smaller than I am (I guess that's a good thing!) - and I just need to admit that I will never fit into my skinny jeans again and go buy new ones.
I'm under the very definitive supposition that women have no idea what they actually look like. Not one girl do I know has an accurate portrayal of what she looks like.
Re:Weight issues (Score:2)
But men don't, either. I think that we all have distorted views of ourselves.
Re:Weight issues (Score:2)
True, but I thought we were merely getting a chance to point at women and leave us [men] out of it?
I dislike Weight Issues passionately (Score:1)
I've often considered writing a journal entry on weight issues, but it seems like it would concern so few people. Eh, they're more for my benefit anyway.
Your body undergoes a lot of changes after eighteen
That doesn't help the fact that we are supposed to want to look like we did in high school. I think it's less about what we weigh, though. I've thought I was fat since I was 9 years old. I cried the first time I weighed more than 80 pounds. We like to cling to a point in the past that we thought was great, but when we were living the past, we were not pleased with what we were. Life's interesting like that.
Farewell (Score:2)
*clears throat and elevates glass*
"Good luck in all your endeavors especially this one."
Yup, shamefully cheesy. At least I didn't steal it from anywhere. Not sure if should be proud of that or not.
Weighty matters... (Score:1)
Anyway, in consultation with my doctor, we set out a simple program which basically consisted of eating better (no more junk food) and exercising more. While it was difficult at first, I have now lost almost 30kg (66 pounds?) and am feeling much better. My back problems have almost disappeared, my ulcers are giving me less grief and I am now getting a lot more attention from certain female friends (woo-hoo!)
Other positive side-effects: I am not as tired all the time and am less prone to have "my life sucks"-type days.
This may or may not help, but even making a few small changes to your eating habits can have some positive results. I have learnt how to identify whether I want to eat because I am hungry, or if it is caused by some other (usually emotional) factors. When I was feeling down for example, I would pick up the phone and dial a pizza. Now I try to resist that urge and if I still want a snack or even something more substantial, I will (usually) choose a more healthy, lo-cal alternative.
The slow one here (Score:1)
I guess I'm trying to say that I'm happy to find that there are a neat group of people who feel a similar way. Good luck on your life's new direction.